#human eyes the only reason i have it is coz my memory is shit and i wanna have a

[mwagneto]

Hi I’m new to your page. What are your main ships?

whatever im obsessed with that week honestly 😭😭 i have a lot of ships but i dont post abt most of them except when the brain rot catches me, the only one that ive consistently had and posted about for the past few years is holmes/watson (mainly from the rdj movies)

[wiypt-writes]

Leave No One Behind

Ch 9-Doctors Orders Part 1 Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Episode Summary: Hannah has a cold and of course Ari takes it upon himself to look after her. Once that little obstacle is out of the way trouble finds them once again on the morning of her birthday…and hell breaks loose at the Red Sea Diving Resort.

Episode Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut (NSFW no under18s)

Episode Pairings:  Ari Levinson x OFC Hannah Horowitz

A/N: This chapter is going to be split into a number of parts, posting over the next few days. A lot happening here. It ran away with us a little bit! Hope you enjoy, we’re proud of this one!!!

Leave No One Behind Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 8

“Hey you with the pretty face, welcome to the human race. A celebration, Mr. Blue Sky's up there waitin', and today is the day we've waited for.”  Mr Blue Sky by ELO

 Ari woke early the next morning and he immediately could sense something wasn't right. For starters Simon wasn't curled on his head, not that he was complaining but it felt quite strange to feel him at the end of the bed and not all over the pillow. Speaking of the pillow, he noticed Hannah's head wasn't on it, right next to his, even before he opened his eyes. Why couldn't he hear her breathing? And what was that other noise? Just with that thought he bolted his eyes open only to find Hannah sat up in bed, coughing.

Shit.

His eyes quickly roamed the dark room, it was still dark outside, but he could just make out her bare back as she was sat up, her knees bent to her chest as she tried to stifle the coughs in the palm of her right hand.

"Hey, you ok?" Ari asked with his sleepy voice before clearing his throat.

Hannah nodded in response but continued to cough as she did so.

Ari shifted on the bed and sat up, gently moving so he could see her, ignoring Simon's grumble as he was jolted from his position by his feet from where he was watching Hannah, again. Ari glared at him. He and that dog were going to need to set some ground rules. Well basically just one; no grumbling at him while on his fucking bed. 

He heard Hannah chuckle softly at Simon's reaction and he reached out to rub her back. Damnit, she was warm to the touch, so he moved again to lay the back of his hand against her cheek.

"You’re hot, Firefly."

"There’s a joke in there somewhere, Lobo." she mumbled before breaking into a hacking coughing fit again. "Fuck, I feel like shit Ari."

She definitely sounded like shit too.

"Let me get you some water." Ari offered before hopping out of bed. He found his shorts and threw them on and then he headed over to the small dresser where there were a couple of bottles. He grabbed one with a swift movement and brought it back to her, twisting off the cap. Hannah took a drink under Ari's watchful eye, spluttering a little as she coughed again but she managed to drink half of it before she handed it back. "You must have gotten a cold." He smiled sympathetically at her. "Or some random tropical disease." she coughed again, just before sneezing.

"Nope. You got soaked in the rain yesterday, Firefly." he stated, a little smug at the memory of her wet clothes sticking to her body.

"I’m the doctor not you." she managed to state between coughs and then looked at him. "Besides, you don’t get colds from getting wet Ari, it’s a virus."

Ari chuckles while rubbing her back softly. "Alright, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" "Drugs, Ari. I need some paracetamol and whatever else we have in the kit." Ari saw her scrunch her nose and she groaned. "Fuck."

"What?"

"The medical kit is in the office." "I’ll go fetch it sweetheart. You stay here." Ari offered, happy to be of use and take the reins. "I can’t Ari, I need to get back to my hut before anyone sees me…" and with that she set into another load of coughing and sneezing "...or hears me for that matter."

Ari pondered for a few seconds, noticing she was right as the first rays of sun were beginning to sweep through the window. "Then I’ll take you to your room and then I’ll go get the stuff."

She nodded "Can you pass me my dress?"

Ari picked it up from the back of the chair but turned to look at her "Han, it’s still damp." She groaned.

"Hang on…" he said before Hannah watched him disappear in the bathroom only to emerge from it a few seconds later with a towel in his hands "Wrap yourself in that for the time being."

"Yeah, cos that’s not gonna look suspicious."

"This whole thing is gonna look suspicious, Han. Stop being a pain in the ass and do as you're told." the natural leader in him commanded.

Grumbling, she took the towel, stood up and wrapped it around her before taking a shaky step. "Jesus."

"You ok?" Ari asked as he threw his shirt on.

"Just dizzy." Hannah replied as she stood put and rubbed her temples.

Ari rounded the bed concerned and in a quick movement hooked one arm under her legs, the other round her back beneath her shoulders. He was sure she was going to protest at the sudden movement and change of position but she gave a little sigh instead and relaxed into his arms, tucking her head into the crook of his shoulder and Ari thought that was clearly testament to how ill she was. 

He made his way to the door with Hannah in his arms and clicked his fingers at Simon who followed him.  He opened the door with one hand, peeking out and once he had checked the coast was clear he quickly and quietly made his way to her hut. Praying to God and all the saints he didn't run into someone coz, honestly, he had no fucking idea how he was gonna be able to explain him carrying a semi-naked woman bridal style from his hut to hers.

 Once he had reached Hannah's hut he stepped inside and closed the door behind him, taking a deep breath and letting relief wash over him before he set her gently on the bed. 

"That's it, sweetheart. Want me to tuck you in?"

Hannah shook his head while adjusting to the new position "Just pass me a cami and a pair of sleep shorts from the drawer."

He headed over and did as he was told, gently dropping her clothes onto the bed next to her.

"Can you manage or…" he asked, hands on his hips and nodding to the items of clothing.

Hannah smiled at his concerned face "You’re the expert at getting me undressed Ari, I’ll manage the other way round just fine."

He chuckled "Ok, I’ll be back in a moment."

Ari left her to it and headed to the main area. Once there he tried not to warn anyone of his presence by bumping into furniture as it was still fairly dark in that part of the resort. He carefully went into the office and turned on the light, locating the medical bag immediately and searched for the meds Hannah had asked for. Just a few seconds later he jumped out of his skin when he heard Max's voice.

"What are you doing?"

"Jesus, Max. You scared the shit out of me." he hissed, trying to buy some time to come up with a feasible excuse.

Max chuckled and then nodded to the box of pills. "You ok?"

"Just a headache. Needed some paracetamol." he said casually, avoiding visual contact with Max and looking at the pills in his hands instead.

Next thing he knew Max was handing him the water bottle in his hand. "Here I’ll get another."

And of course then he had to be watching him so Ari had to take 2 of the damned tablets himself before he managed to fob Max off, grabbing another 2 and heading back to Hannah’s hut once Max curiosity had been duly satisfied and he had watched him turn around and leave.

"What took you so long? Couldn't you find the bag?" Hannah blurted out when he saw him coming into her hut.

"I found something more than the bag. Don't ask." he said as he sat on the edge of the bed and handed the pills. "Here."

She frowned and sat up straight and reached for the water while he explained about his encounter with Max making Hannah chuckle and shake her head before breaking into another coughing fit.

"Are there any side effects to taking painkillers without being in pain?"

"Yeah, Lobo. Hair loss." Hannah deadpanned.

 "No need for sarcasm." he narrowed his eyes at her.

"Well, stop asking stupid questions." she quipped before taking the pills with a mouthful of water, wincing. “My throat feels like I’ve been swallowing glass." "Want me to arrange for you to stay in bed all day?" Ari asked, his hand falling to her knee.

"I’ll be fine in an hour or so, besides if I stay here all day I’ll be bored and there’s stuff to do and ..." she whined.

Ari scoffed and cut her off.  "Ok let me rephrase that, I’m gonna arrange for you to stay in bed all day."

"No, Ari, like I said, it’s boring." she insisted.

"I’ll come keep you company as much as I can." he tried to bargain, knowing full well she wasn't one for following orders she deemed stupid.

"Oh yeah? And what you gonna tell the others as to why you keep sneaking in here to see me?"

"That I’m coming to check up on my teammate." he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like you did with my aerobics classes…when Rachel noticed and asked why you never checked on hers?" she asked, a wicked smile on her face.

"No, that’s….I didn’t…" he sighed. "Well, can you blame me?" he asked with a whiney voice.  Hannah laughed and he smiled "You weren’t exactly being discreet, Levinson"

"Ok, look, forget about that now. I’ll figure something out." he said as he leaned over to kiss her frowning when she pulled back.

"Yeah I wouldn’t do that if I were you."

"Yeah, good point. Although isn’t a cold contagious days before symptoms?" he cockily asked.

"Hark on you Dr Levinson."

"You know, Guy Thomas is technically a doctor, I mean he has a PHD so…" 

She laughed loudly which made her cough. "In fucking Anthropology!"

"Details…" he smiled broadly.

Hannah snorted and locked her eyes on his "You’re right though. Chances are you already got it." Ari chuckled. "Ok, I’m gonna go for my run before everyone gets up. You gonna be ok?" "Sure I’ll manage. I’ve lived alone for the last 4 years Ari, had plenty of colds…" Ari grimaced, he didn’t like to think about that. For some reason it made him a little upset though he knew it was illogical as she was a grown woman and a doctor nonetheless. "Just try and get some sleep. When they start asking where you are at breakfast I’ll use it as an excuse to come see you, tell them I’ll come find out."

"Make sure it’s you who comes, please." she pleaded as she got under the sheets and rested her head on the pillow.

"Of course it will be. I’m the boss, can do what I want."

She sat up again and gazed at him. 

"Don’t let Sammy come or I’m never leaving this hut again."

"Dramatic much?" he tried to joke. "I know him, he won’t let me out of bed for days." she said and Ari could read the concern in his eyes.

 "Neither would I given the chance, albeit for a much different reason." he quipped cheekily, trying to brush her concern away.

His eyes sparkled with satisfaction as he saw Hannah's jaw drop. She slapped his arm and broke into a coughing fit. "You’re an asshole Ari. You can’t say that when I can’t kiss you properly."

"Then I’ll say it again when you can." he said, rubbing her thighs over the covers

"Promise?"

"Damned straight it is."

Hannah grinned before leaning back on her pillow again "Go, before I climb you like a tree and infect you with my virus."

"Now that's an image I intend to dwell in all through the day, Miss." he said before kissing her head and getting up and walking to the door. "Thing is firefly…" and he turned to look at her, one hand on the door handle. “…you infected me 9 years ago."

"That is so lame!" she said as she threw a pillow at him "Go. Now."

He chuckled and stepped outside closing the door behind him.  Hannah then looked at the pillow and groaned. "Now I gotta pick that up."

As if on cue Simon trotted towards the pillow and flopped down on it, looking up at her.

"Ok, guess I don’t…" she shrugged

**** Ari was hoping his run would keep his mind occupied and help quiet the noise in his brain. He was worried about Hannah and though he was well aware it was probably only a cold and, yes, she was a fully trained doctor who knew exactly what she was doing, he still couldn't help but think about how poorly she had looked and sounded. 

Fuck it.

With a sigh he turned his Walkman off when he was still a mile or so away from the resort. He couldn't concentrate on what he was listening to and the headphones were constantly falling from his head due to his furious strides. He wasn't in the mood and every little thing in the universe was apparently conspiring to bug him. 

Damn, Ari. Are you listening to yourself? 

His inner voice slapping him on the back of his head was the final straw. He groaned and quickened his pace, longing for the moment the cold water in the shower would ease the stiffness he was feeling in his muscles and mind. 

"I thought you were ill." Max greeted him when he emerged in the main area after making it home and showering.

"I had a headache. Hence the painkillers. And guess what, they killed my pain. So here I am." he explained, a bit too harsh.

"Woah chill man." Max frowned as he raised both his palms as a peace gesture.

"I’m perfectly chilled." Ari huffed as he sat down on a chair.

The truth is she wasn't chilled, not even remotely. He knew there was nothing he could do and Hannah would be probably asleep once the effects of the pills had kicked in, but he was twitchy as fuck to go check on her. "You look worried Ari." Rachel stated. More as a warning of his conspicuous behaviour than as a real concern.

"Do I? Well I’m not. What’s for breakfast?" Ari asked, trying to put on a genuine smile on his face but failing considerably.

"Whatever you want. The guests don’t arrive until 11 so it's up to you what you want. There’s plenty of bread for toast and pastries in the pantry." Rachel replied, squinting her eyes at him.

"Ok, I’m gonna grab some coffee." he said as he got up, praying someone asked about Hannah soon coz he was now seriously worried. 

He was not only worried about her but also about acting cool when they would eventually ask. He wanted it over and done with as soon as possible coz he didn't know how much time he was going to refrain himself from snapping at someone or something. He grabbed his coffee and then an idea came to him. He poked his head back into the main room and asked if he should throw a few rounds of toast in for everyone, knowing if he made enough there’d be some left over and they would be bound to notice one of them was missing.

An instant later Rachel came in to help. They made the first batch in silence, his mind still racing, and as the second batch was in she turned to him. 

"So, come on, don’t bullshit me Ari. What’s going on?"

"What do you mean what’s going on?" he asked back while cursing at a piece of toast who was still too hot for him to grab.

"You’re twitchy. You and Hannah had an argument already?"

"What? No…what makes you think that?" 

Rachel looked at him with that seemingly expressionless look that was yelling cut the crap and Ari sighed. It was Rachel after all, he could trust her and it would do him good to blow off some steam with someone.

"She’s ill."

Rachel frowned before asking "What do you mean? Like bad ill?"

"No, it’s a cold but she’s feeling pretty rough." he explained as he grabbed the bread from the toaster and dropped it onto the plate. He felt relief as he uttered those words, explaining what was going on to another person had really helped him realise he really shouldn’t be making a big deal out of it.

"Ah. Ok. Want me to go check on her?"

"No, I told her I would when you all realised she hadn’t shown for breakfast…" he paused and then bit his lip "Look, can…can you just maybe ask about her out there? My nerves are on edge."

Rachel smiled "Sure, good look convincing Sammy to stay away."

"Actually, I was hoping you could help me with that." he asked somewhat shyly.

"How?"

"You’ll figure something out."  His shy request had morphed now into a wicked smile making Rachel roll her eyes at him.

"You owe me Levinson. I don’t like lying to him, it’s not fair." she conceded but waved her index finger at him.

"You don’t have to lie to him…just don’t tell him the truth."

"Where I come from that’s called lying, Ari."

"You know what I mean, Rach." he remarked as he flashed his signature cheeky smirk at her.

"Come on man, I’m hungry." Max's voice suddenly startled them both.

Ari seized the opportunity and gave her one last pleading look at Rachel and she groaned before pointing at him again.

"Fine, let's get this over with but I mean it. You owe me, big time."

"I know, and if it's any consolation I don’t like all the sneaking around either but until Han is ready to tell Sammy there’s not much I can do." he shrugged.

"Whatever." she said, grabbing one big plate and handing it to Ari "Take the toast out there, Romeo."

They headed back out of the kitchen, carrying the communal breakfast and Ari sat back down, a bit more collected this time.

"About time, what were you doing? Baking the damned bread?" Max whined, raiding the toast plate.

"You wanna eat that toast or wear it?" Hannah cut his protests.

"Woah, easy Rachel…what’s happened this morning, why is everyone so tetchy?"

Ari looked at Rachel and she understood. The sooner they get this over with the better but just as she opened her mouth to speak, Sammy cut her off.

"Where’s Hannah?"

Everyone looked at one another for a few seconds. The only thing that could be heard being Max munching his toast. Ari tried to hold back the relief sigh he was dying to exhale. Rachel wasn’t needed after all, he had to thank Sammy for that.

"I ain't seen her." Jake, who had been getting the matches for his tan ready, shrugged. "Or Simon actually, he’s normally here before she is…"

 "I’ll go see if everything’s ok with her." Ari offered, standing up.

 "I can go." Sammy frowned.

No. No. No. Ari froze and panicked for a few seconds and gave Rachel a meaningful look.

"Let Ari.” Rachel l blurted out before pausing. "Because of Simon…you know the dog doesn’t like you, and it will only put you in a bad mood if he starts growling and you’ll end up arguing with Hannah.”

Well, that had been bold but it seemed to have worked as next thing he knew Ari heard Sammy grumbling. "stupid little gargoyle."

"And that’s why he hates you. You insult him, you hurt his feelings." he told Sammy, trying not to seem too eager to fuck the hell out of the room.

They were all too focused on their own act to notice Max who was simply looking at them, munching his toast. He clearly wasn’t buying any of the shit Rachel was saying.  Whereas Jake was too engrossed in cutting the matches he had previously taken from the matchbox with a knife, his coffee long forgotten.

"It’s a dog Ari, he doesn’t know what I’m saying." Sammy continued grumbling.

"Well he clearly reads your body language then."

"Yeah…that’s true. He copies body language too." Max deadpanned, sitting back on his chair.

Ari did his best to keep a straight face, ignoring him but clearly hearing his sniggers. Rachel was the one to glare at him and he shrugged as he resumed eating his food.

Thankfully, Rachel then took charge of the situation and started explaining the schedule for the new guests that would be arriving a few hours later, Ari took the opportunity and stood up, heading out  for Hannah’s hut. Gently opening the door he saw Simon was snuggled around her head and she was dozing. He approached and sat on the edge of her bed and watched her for a few seconds before feeling her forehead. She was still warm and he sighed.

Simon moved his head and licked the back of Ari’s knuckles when he recognized him.

 "You looking after her pal?" he cooed at the dog and moved his hand to scratch under the dog's chin, "Good boy."

Simon wagged his tail and rolled over demanding more belly scratches from the hairy human that seemed to be sharing his mom's bed. Ari chuckled as he obliged, rubbing his pink and black spotty belly.

"Demanding little bastard." he softly whispered so as not to disturb Hannah's sleep. But it was too late. With a little sigh she stirred at the movement, blinking.

"Hey, how you feeling firefly?"

"Still crappy." her voice came out hoarse. 

"Yeah, you’re still warm. You should rest in bed till you’re feeling better." he ordered softly.

"Yes Dr Levinson… or Dr Thomas, whatever." she said before yawning and Ari chucked. "How was it out there?"

"Not bad. I asked Rachel for help but it wasn’t needed, Sammy asked before she could."

Hannah nodded and shuffled down a little in the bed, coughing again. Ari waited until she was done and he then leaned down over her, one hand either side of her shoulders as she was led on her side. 

"Ok sweetheart. I’m gonna go back out now but once they know I’ll sneak to see you whenever I can." 

 "I’m just gonna sleep Ari, I don’t need babysitting." she grumbled.

Ari raised an eyebrow playfully. "Ok, so you don’t want me to take care of you or keep you company? That’s fine, I get it…" he mocked a complaint, a soft smile on his face.

"Shut up." Hannah groaned.

"And now you don’t want to hear me either." he chuckled and kissed her forehead. "Get some rest and shout if you need anything." and he pondered for a moment before speaking. "On second thoughts, just don't shout. Your voice is terrible today..." and he stopped when he saw her mouth drop open "You know what I mean, Firefly."

"Ari?" Hannah asked as he made to stand up. "Yeah?" "I could use some orange juice." she beamed at him before sneezing for the umpteenth time.

"Ok, I’ll bring some for you." Ari wandered back to the main area, all the way thinking how he was going to pull his next stunt. Just act natural, Levinson. You got this, he thought as he entered the main area, his hands falling to his hips as he walked in.

"Where is she?" Sam asked once he spotted Ari was back.

"She’s sick Sammy." and he held his hand up to stop Sammy’s impending babble. "It’s just a cold."

Sammy frowned. "A cold?"

"That’s what she said." He shrugged and turned to walk to the kitchen. "She asked for some paracetamol and orange juice." he said, ignoring the fact Max was narrowing his eyes suspiciously after he caught Ari with the pills before. He opened the fridge, considering if it would be good for her to drink cold liquids, and poured a glass of orange and went back into the main dining area just as Sammy walked in from the office with the box of pills and gestured to the orange juice.

"Want me to take it? I can examine her."

"She’s a doctor too, Sammy." Jake snorted.

Ari was getting more flustered by the minute. He just wanted to get rid of Sammy and get back and check on her again. Damned it. He knew he was being ridiculous but she really didn’t look well at all and if he had his way he’d be curled up besides her all day. He would trade posts with Simon on the spot. He looked at Rachel as a last resource, silently asking her to take the reins. 

Rachel took a deep breath and turned to Sam. "Sammy, she won’t want her brother fussing." She then turned to Ari. "Take her some toast too in case she feels like eating something." she said while putting a few slices from the large plate on the table onto a smaller one. "Tell her I’ll check up on her later and grab her laundry."

Thank you Rachel.

"I bet Simon is eating that toast." Max quipped.

Jake chuckled. "That’s a point, should we take care of him today?"

Ari shook his head. "He was curled up on the bed with her, looked pretty comfy. I’ll take him for a walk if he wants to go but to be honest I don’t think he’ll leave her."

“Unless it’s you.” Max quipped.

“What do you mean? Ari asked.

“Simon is conveniently deaf unless you or Cracker are talking to him.” Max grinned “You’re like his parents, it’s cute.”

Ari rolled his eyes and with that he headed back out, down to her hut. God, he was sweating already and he had showered less than an hour before. Simon looked up when Ari got in the hut. Hannah was asleep so he placed the orange juice, toast and pills on her bedside table before leaning to kiss her head.

"Sleep tight, my Firefly." he whispered as he straightened up and looked at Simon. "You coming buddy? Let’s get you some food and go for a walk, huh?"

Ari watched the dog look at Hannah, then him and then back to Hannah again, hesitating. Sammy could say whatever he wanted, but that dog did understand what they said to him. No one was gonna convince him otherwise.

"She’ll be ok pal." Ari rolled his own eyes at himself when he realised he was explaining to the fucking dog. But Simon was proving his point as he stood up and walked down the bed, jumping off the side. Ari saw him stretch and wag his tail as he headed out, Simon at his heels. 

*****

A few hours later Rachel went to Hannah’s hut and knocked on the door, walking in after Hannah told her to do so. Rachel found her sat up in bed and thought Ari, though being a painful drama queen, was right. She looked awful. Her nose was red, her eyes looked tired but at least she was reading.

"How are you feeling?"

"A little better, thanks. I had a good sleep and the meds seem to have worked their way into my system." she explained and then she paused. "What time is it by the way? I can’t find my watch." she asked Rachel as she scanned her bedside table and drawers again.

 "Maybe you left it in Ari’s hut…I mean if you slept there last night…" Rachel offered, cocking an eyebrow.

Hannah looked at her and sighed, rolling her eyes.  There was no point in even denying it and she wasn't feeling strong enough to either. "How much do you know?" "Well from what the pair of you have told me and the fact his tee was mixed in with your laundry, I’d hazard a guess at all of it." "Ari’s shirt was..? Shit!" Hannah groaned.

"Yup, shit indeed. You’re lucky I spotted it before your brother did. Thankfully it was next to a pile of your panties and he wasn’t looking." Rachel chuckled at Hannah's mortified expression before continuing. "Then there’s also the fact that the dress you were wearing yesterday was on the chair in his hut. I washed that too, you can thank me later, or we can talk about how his bathroom was missing a towel and curiously enough there’s one that seems to have appeared on the floor by your bed. Your pick."

Hannah groaned again and rubbed her face down her hand.

"By the way it was the shirt he was wearing for dinner the night he came home." Rachel winked at her.

"Yeah I know…he left it here and I forgot I threw it in with my stuff." "You two had yourselves a welcome home party, huh?" Hannah laughed at Rachel's wriggling eyebrows and coughed a little. "Don’t be so nosey."

"Look, I’m happy for you two, I really am. And I love to see you happy, you deserve it but…well, Max suspects something and it’s only a matter of time before Sammy and Jake figure it. Especially if Ari is as shit at keeping a cover as he seems to be. He was a wreck this morning."

"A wreck?" Hannah asked, surprised. "I’ve got a damned cold, what’s he so fretted about?" "Well according to him you looked really bad and were burning up, moments from death…you know that type of thing. I had to smack some sense into him in the kitchen before he blew it with the rest." 

Hannah rolled her eyes. "He’s such a drama queen."

"When it comes to you he is. You should have seen him. Shittiest Mossad agent ever." Rachel mocked him.

Hannah laughed again and, as usual that morning, her laugh was punctuated by coughs.

"Luckily Jake is too focussed on his tan to notice and Sammy…well Sammy is oblivious and to be fair probably doesn’t even want to even consider anything like that so…"

Hannah pondered what she had said for a minute and looked at her. "You think we should come clean? I mean Ari said he would happily tell everyone but I’m not sure if I can handle Sammy already."

"That’s up to you. But the longer you leave it, then surely the harder it's gonna be?" Rachel smiled at her, sympathetically.

Hannah rubbed her eyes. "I don’t think I can do this until I feel better, and then it’s my birthday next week and don’t want anything to spoil it."

"I can’t answer Hannah, I can’t tell you what to do." Rachel patted her leg.

"I’ll speak to Ari about it." she mused and Rachel laughed.

"What’s so funny?" "That man will do whatever you tell him to do. I know that, you should know it by now." Hannah shook her head, though Rachel may be right that was not what she needed at that moment.  "I don’t want him to just do what I say, just want him to help me make a decision." She looked at Rachel and then grinned "I see you did a pretty good job covering the marks on your neck, unlike yesterday."

Rachel blushed. "You saw them?"

"Yes." And the grin on Hannah’s face turned into a grimace.  "And I don’t want to think about it. He’s my brother."

"Ari told you?"

Hanna nodded.

"Bastard."

"I’d already figured it out. I told them ages ago the pair of you were…you know, or at least there was something going on. He was like a bear with a sore head when you were on leave." Hannah explained

Rachel squinted her eyes at her. "Like you were when Ari was gone?"

Hannah shrugged, to be fair Rachel was right, the Navons were pretty shitty at concealing their feelings. And speaking of concealing?  "FYI that concealer on my desk is pretty good if you need to borrow it."

Rachel stared at her blankly and Hannah swept her hair to the side to show her the now fading bruises Ari had given her the other evening and Rachel snorted. 

" Wild Ari, huh?"

"You got no idea." Hannah smirked mischievously.

"Pity Sam is your brother. We could have traded stories." Rachel shrugged amused.

"Don’t get me wrong Rach, I’m happy you’re with him. He needs someone in his life that’s for sure but…yeah, no. I’d rather not listen to them…but if you need to talk hey, I can pretend you’re talking about Chef Aziz…"

At that the pair of them burst out laughing and Hannah had another coughing fit just as Sammy walked into the hut.

"What are you two laughing at?" he asked as he glanced at Hannah. "You feeling better, Han?" "Loads. Rachel is great company." she said, raising her eyebrows at Sammy who went immediately red and cleared his throat. "Need some water Sammy?" Rachel who was sitting on the edge of the bed slapped Hannah’s leg through the covers and mouthed to her Don’t be mean.

Hannah shook her head and looked around, allowing her brother to collect himself. "Hey, where’s Simon by the way? He bailed on me…"

"He was with Ari. They went for a walk then down to the diving hut and then Ari was going out with Jake to prep the tour route for tomorrow." Sammy explained.

 "Has Simon gone on the boat with them?" Hannah frowned.

 "Yeah, why?"

 "I thought he only went diving because he wanted to be with me." she pouted. "He’s been stuck to Ari like glue all day." Rachel confirmed.

 "He even ignored the new group of tourists." Sammy scoffed.

"Judas." Hannah grumbled, folding her arms.

****

3 days Hannah was in bed laid up, and Ari hated it. He’d popped in as much as he could, stealing half an hour or so here and there to lay with her, until Sammy pulled him up at one point over lunch on the second day.

I’m the doctor, she’s a doctor…I don’t see why you have to be checking up on her all fucking day.” Sammy pouted.

“Because you’re busy with the guests.” Ari reasoned “I’m the manager so I can just float about. Besides, it hasn’t been all fucking day, I’ve been to check on her like 3 times to take her some water and something to eat, that’s it.”

Nevertheless, he backed off after that. On the 4th day Hannah eased back into light duties so Ari managed to spend some time with her during the day as but he continued to sleep in his own hut to allow her to sleep properly to fully recover and also to avoid further suspicion as he had also developed a little sniffle himself and was running out of excuses to the rest of the team as to what it was.

But all this meant it was nearly a week since they’d last managed a night together, and it had left him a total needy bastard.

One morning he arrived at the main area of the resort after he’d been talking to a few guests who had asked him for ideas of what to do in Port Sudan. He headed into the main rooms, looking for Hannah, mentally ticking off where she could be. She wasn’t with Jake and Sammy as they were out diving, she wasn’t with Rachel and Aziz helping set up for lunch and Max…well he had no idea where Max was at all. He stood pondering for a moment when he spotted Simon trotting out of the office and he gave a grin.

Bingo.

Hannah was looking through the filing cabinet in front of him as he stepped into the room, silently. He took a moment to appreciate her, taking in her long legs right from her bare feet up to the hem of her pale, strapless blue sundress which hung mid-thigh. It curved neatly over her ass and hips trailing the curve of her waist up to her shoulders which were bare, hair pulled into a messy pony tail, halter neck of her bikini tied at the nape of her neck.

Fuck this, it had been far too long. And he was horny as hell. The damned world could wait.

He shut the door with his foot and she jumped slightly, turning to face him but before she could register what was happening his lips were on hers, the kiss demanding as his hands held her cheeks, tongue finding its way between those soft pillows, sliding forcefully against the roof of her mouth. She let out a soft moan and her hands moved directly to the ties on his swim shorts. His lips curved into a smirk at her demanding nature, the fact she wanted him just as much was getting him even more worked up, and she pulled back to look at him a little, her fingers undoing the string easily as his hands slid to her waist, yanking her even closer so their pelvises were flush and she could feel his arousal pressing into her stomach.

“Stop smirking.” She mumbled, and he chuckled a little, his nose brushing hers “Cocky bastard.”

“You want cocky?” he muttered, his lips brushing hers, the feather-light touch sent a shiver down her spine as his mouth slid to her jawline and that spot on her neck just behind her ear. “I’ll show you cocky Firefly.”

His lips crashed to hers again as he pivoted them away from the cabinets and towards the desk at the side of the room, his movements effortless as she gave into his directions completely. Submission had never been her strong point, but when it came to Ari she was weak and now was no exception. She was weak to his touch, his mouth, his every damned action as she allowed him to man handle her, his hands gliding up her back to her neck, fingers of one grasping at the nape as he held her face to his, his mouth dominating hers.

In a quick, almost forceful movement he spun her round, his mouth trailing open mouthed kisses down her neck to her shoulder, moving to the other side to repeat the action and she let out a low keen of delight.

“Shh.” He stopped, what he was doing and Hannah stilled, her breathing deep. Once she’d obeyed he picked up where he had left off, his hand sliding up over her covered breasts, palming them in his large hands, letting out a gently sigh of his own as he felt her nipples peak through the material.

“Ari…we can’t…” She mumbled, suddenly coming to her senses as she heard voices pass by the reception desk “There’s people outside…”

“I don’t care.” He whispered into her hear, his right hand gently sliding back7 up her neck, fingers flexing over her smooth, delicate throat “You can be quiet, right?”

“I…” he cut her off as he tilted her face to his, swallowing her protests with another filthy kiss, his other hand moving down, rucking her dress up, the pads of his calloused fingers tracing a slow path up her inner thigh. He gently brushed over the spot between her legs and a soft growl rolled in the back of this throat as he could feel her arousal through her bikini bottoms. He released her mouth, his lips staying millimetres away from hers “You’re fucking soaked baby girl”

Hannah couldn’t find the words to reply. She was putty in his hands, and happy to let him take control. All truth be told she was aching for him too, and although this hadn’t been going on long in the grand scheme of things, the way he did make love to or fuck her had her craving for his touch whenever she could get it. She let out a gasp as his fingers brushed her bottoms to one side, skating her slit as he found her nub and began to coax at her expertly. She bit her lip, hard, the taste of copper flooding her mouth as she found herself desperately trying to control her noise.

Releasing her throat, Ari’s other hand gently pressed at the base of her spine, bending her forward a little over the desk and her hands splayed flat against the wooden surface sending a few papers floating to the floor, her check pressed to the cheap oak. Ari moved her bikini to the side, and with one hand still on her back he used the other and gave himself a few strokes, before he lined himself up and sank into her.

“Fuck…” She hissed between gritted teeth as he pulled back, sinking straight back in again, his eyes focussed on the spot they were joined, watching himself move in and out. His thrusts were slow, deliberate at first, and his eyes flicked to Hannah’s face as her head raised from the desk, tilting back slightly. He saw her jaw slacken and in a flash his hand reached out, palm clamping over her mouth.

“Gotta be quiet sweetheart…” he grunted out, his other hand gripping her shoulder so he could pull her back onto him and he picked up the pace, fucking her with desperation, like a man starved.

The sound of skin slapping skin, her muffled moans and his own low hisses filled the room as he continued his assault on her spot, his cock dragging against her walls again and again. It was quick and dirty, and before long Hannah could feel herself unravelling. Ari felt her too, the tell-tale fluttering of her clamping down on him signalling she was close.

“Nearly there baby?” he asked, even though he knew the answer and she gave a quick nod, his fingers flexing over her mouth. Releasing the grip on her shoulder he reached around, found her clit and she felt the teasing of his thumb and forefinger as he rolled it between them, his chest pressing to her back, mouth nipping at her ear. With a shudder, the world faded to nothing but a bright, white light and she came, her groan stifled by his hand as she bucked back, eyes fluttering shut, knees trembling as she went limp over the desk. Releasing his hold on her mouth he grabbed her hips, his own snapping back and forth with enough force to jolt the desk slightly, causing it to scrape over the floor as he felt his balls contract and he came inside her, hard, and it was all he could do to keep himself from yelling out.

“Fuck…” he mumbled, his hips slowing to a stop as his head fell forward a little, his breathing deep, T-shirt sticking to him as sweat coated his entire body. He took a moment before he stepped back and looked down as Hannah pushed herself up, his hands gently pulling her up by her hips helping her to stand.

“Cocky enough?” he quipped as he straightened his pants whilst she turned to face him, her cheeks flushed. She reached up and pulled her pony tail free, shaking her hair out whilst she shook her head, grinning at him.

“One word for it.” She arched an eyebrow as she re-tied her hair and squirmed a little, feeling his release dribbling down her inside leg “And now I need to go change.”

“I thought bikini bottoms were supposed to be waterproof.” He chuckled, pulling her in for a quick kiss.

“You’re an ass hole.” She mumbled, before she pulled away, patted his chest and opened the door. The sound of the guests outside grew louder as the flow of fresh air filled the room, well, fresher seeing as it was fucking hot out there too, and with a last glance over her shoulder she smirked and left.

Part 2

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 29.10.20 lb

dadi getting a lil too intrusive in her confidence in vansh's ability to pyaar, just coz he got his wife’s wrist size right.

appropriate response.

idhar chachi lamenting ki ohnoe i think vansh really loves riddhima now.

yet again, an appropriate response.

but for wrong reason. coz this one's like, look at all the great love stories. the truer the love, the more bitter the ending.

mummy like ughhhh but these two seem annoyingly indestructibleeeee.

aryan is pretty chill. he's like we shall try try againnnnn, mom. till when will she escape and he keep saving her??? at one point or the other he'll be late by 5 min. that day, we'll get her.

time for riddhima to get an angre of her own, methinks.

meanwhile someone's fucking with the mehendi. ofc.

lo. adulterated mehendi has been delivered to correctttttttttttt victim itself. even though there's no name or anything written on the trays.

she's SOOOOOO excited to put mehendi that she's not eaten all day and telling dadi she'll eat after the mehendi is dry. her cheerfulness is annoying me. who would be this happy about a hetero relationship with a man????? wouldn’t be me.

husband has noted the point ki karwa chauth vrat seems to have started a day early.

black string on chachi's shoulder, same as from mehendi-fucker-upper ka blanket thingy. i mean..... i think it's a red herring, coz she and aryan were bitching when the mehendi was being tampered with, but who knows with the timeline of this show anymore.

the stupidest thing here is that only the open mehendi has been fucked with. i wouldn't use that in the first place and just use the cone for sheer convenience and less mess. also KNOWING that everyone in this house wants to kill me???? why the fuckkkk would you use the one in the open container????

ainvayi mein these three are glaring at her. imagine letting someone this stupid live rent-free in your head all day. be better, queens.

hubs is here with khaaana.

dadi has to taang adaaofy some more and force him to feed her. honestly, iss dadi ko bohut zyaada utaavli chadhi hai. calm your tits, woman.

not to nitpick on a nice thing being done, but that dal to rice ratio seems waaaaaaaaay off.

also gross, she eats like a baby. truly incompetent in every single way.

sir what is your face?????? but also yes, simp more for your wifeee!!!!!

ew dal waale haath se hi baal bhi sawaar raha hai.

GODDDDDD, GET A FUCKING ROOM BEFORE DADI POPS IN BETWEEN YOU TWO LIKE

yup. she had to say some nonsense in between and make me die of cringe. i'm fwding the scene coz i realllllly can't handle the second hand embarrassment.

if my cat stepped in mehendi and walked all over my palms, it would look better than this.

DADI IS LITERALLY KILLING HER POTA BY EMBARRASSING HIM TO DEATH. PLS WOMAN, STOP. I CAN'T HANDLE IT.

ishani and mummy being eternal mood.

itch itch itch itch itch.

sensible dude is like just wash it the fuck off you idiot, and she's like noooooooooooooo but the rang!!!!

“tumhe lagta hai mehendi zyaada der tak rakhne se rang gaadha hota hai, ya phir pati ke chaahne se?”

“dono hi samajh lo.”

gotta say, i like flirty riddhima. it's the only time she uses her brain a lil and is tolerable. BUT OH GOD JUST GO WASH YOUR HANDS YOU DUMBASS.

thank god, he insisted and sent her off.

these two's issues i really dgaf about anymore, so fwding. like........ i think angre needs to back the fuck off a little bit. har waqt uske mooh mein ghuske yeh pati waala drama karoge toh kisi ko bhi gussa aana hai.

wonderful. aur rakho itchy mehendi haath pe.

husband ready to burn down mehendi waale ppl's house. totes appropriate reaction.

she's like oh no idc about my sore, bleeding hands, i just feel so bad for dadi. omfg dumbass just get a brown sketch pen from somewhereeee. like the old bat would be able to tell the difference. 

“mehendi ka rang aur pati ka pyaar, inn dono mein koi connection nahi hai.”

ex-fucking-actly. i gots no pati and my mehendi comes out DARK AF, every single time. it has to do with body heat more than anything. and since i am a human furnace, i don't need no pati ka pyaar. not only in this area, but in alllllll areas of my life. #aatmanirbhar

“yeh mehendi ka rang humaare rishte ka certificate nahi ban sakta hai; lekin agar tumhe aisa lagta hai, toh mere paas ek solution hai.”

sweet.

ugh i don't caaaaaaaaare about these family waale and their neverending tippaniyaan on these two's marriage. fwding.

anyway pati is here to tell everyone to stfu and gtfo, thank god.

ofc that gets these 3 to turn on laser glare eyes and vow hellfire and brimstone on riddhima.

ishani was mehendi culprit?

here some more bitching and theories ki riddhima ne itna dimaag chalaana kabse shuru kar diya, uski neeyat kyun badal gayi about giving kabir the memory card, blah blah. i'm just here to stare at kabir in all black.

hein? mummy ALSO has the black kambhal???? did alllllll of you bitches add your own own poisons to the mehendi???

oh?????????????????

can't say i wouldn't do the same.

lol she's straight up calling him out for being an asshole when awake.

and now she's imitating him and maarofying all his dialogues, including the "interestingggggggggg.... veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy interesting." again, this episode is perhaps the firsttttttttt time i've liked riddhima as a character.

ASLKJDLASDLKASJDLKJASLKDJLASKJDLSAJLKDJL I LEGIT SCREAMED

and he's back to growling at her. but good for her, she doesn’t seem intimidated at all.

but april fool! he likes it!

“ek baat boloon?”

“haan bolo.”

“kabhi tumhe aise muskuraate hue nahi dekha. aadat daal lo, achche lagte ho.”

“tum bhi aadat daal lo. mujhe yeh aise achcha lagta hai.”

OH GOD SHE'S GONNA RUIN THE MOMENT BY TELLING HIM ABOUT KABIR. OH GOD. OHHHHHHH GOD. IDK IF IT'S MY PERIOD CRAMPS OR SHEER TERROR, BUT MUMMMMY, MY STOMACH HURTSSSSSSS.

ok phew, she didn't say the R(agini) word. she just says that like you had a story in your past, i have one too....

andddddddd he told her he doesn't care. it's her past. it's done. he only cares about living with her in the present. well dang. such a reasonable response? from this dude???? unexpected.

but also, He Knows right????? He fully Knows already.

is the person writing their scenes on some special drug these days? whatever it is, they should keep doing it. remarkable improvement in romantic scenes. like, crazy amazing improvement.

is it that, or have i developed stockholm syndrome for this show now??????? oh fuck.

early morning sargi blah blah.

ishani like i don't even got no saas, why i gotta be here for thissssss?????

riddhima as usual has to be overrrrrrrrr, and has prepared sargi for ishani and hands it over.

OH GOD DADI IS TELLING HER TO TOUCH RIDDHIMA'S FEET OH GOD DADI WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS YOU JUST WANNA SEE THIS MANSION BURNNNNNN, DON'T YOU

ofc there are promises of soooooot-samedh badla.

aaaaaaaaand mummy purposely messed up riddhima's sargi. ouff. saas bahu politics. idccccccc.

lmaooooooooo i am ishani. i can't help it, i just really am her.

wait mummy is saying shit like “mere bete ka dil todkar, vansh ke liye karwachauth ka vrat rakhne chali hai.........” ARE YOU TELLING ME KABIR REALLY FELL FOR THIS CHICK??????????? IT ISN'T JUST A EGO THING FOR HIM??????? RE DEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

[kikclick]

Angry people

Angry is the easiest feeling to be expressed out carelessly. A person nt in control of his will power will without thinking throw a tantrum, spew mean words and feed their own ego and we always take that risk of saying things that is irreversible. We know it'll hurt n assured that we won't do it again and be better BUT only to succumbed and let yourself give in to it.

But, what's intriguing is someone who can in the midst of angry fits still surpressing the dire need to burst on impulse calmly smile and knows that a waste of negative energy spent is a waste of ones precious moment.

It could destroy something you have build Relationship, rapport.. Friendship..just because protecting your ego with might while standing on your self manifested pedestal is more satisfying than accept a different views.. Those are short term satisfaction. Anger is never an 'appreciating assets' u might think u hurt 1 person but boy how naive you are that u forgot that surrounding eyes are watching u. Strangers who doesnt know u already seen the worst of you. What a fucking waste..

But wait, calm yes getting back to it. Being calm is almost like a through years of training and countless times of impulsive burst of anger you finally said fuck this shit. Wake up the next day and decide to smile more often and bearing murphys law in mind, wise to know the repercussion ahead of his action Is someone i think have won his battle with himself but still find a better solution to problem.

Im 1 angry guy. I felt like a cb everytime i let the devil take over control. It's like im being rape and helpless while im feeding the evil pride in me. Comes to a point whereby while im busy showing people im angry and belittling the guy im engage with i have that faint disappointing feeling at myself. But as usual, whack only later can talk. So, when that later comes and finally u let that faint voice out to speak, you have wasted many n possible thousands positive reaction just because you think you can doesnt mean you should homeboy.

It's hard having anger management . Harder when that's our only way to vent. Because loud gets attention and being loud while making sure you're in everyone bad rep list soothes your man pride.

I'm just ranting coz felt like a need to put it into words. And to put it here in public is so that my life struggles are my anger..because i chose self b4 others. Im selfish.

Fuck up part is that split second before gg to a full blown gayest rage ever you already set the chain of reaction. I fucking knew what the outcome, if people were hurt.. Causing nuisances to other but sadly i am blinded.

What im saying is alcohol destroy moral, substance abuse i find it funny why isit subtance abuse when you're actually abusing yourself with substance? These group forgo relationships to feed his addiction so on so forth.. This are accompanied by an object.. But anger is affiliated nothing physical or instigators. Yet we could inflict if not as much at least irreparable damage. Those 2 despicable addiction is curable. Take the alcohol off or drug from the abuser. Make it zero accessibility for the abuser and u solve a problem. Relapsses occur if he found new means to acquire his vice. But as long become sober and engaged healthily im sure he wld prefer sobriety than being in the limbo.

But anger is nothing compared to convincing bunch of fools thats people see the stupidity in them tat they tot its an achievement. Anger resides deep inside the crevices of your heart and its attached itself closely to short term memory in your brain. Why short term? Cz u angry u got time ah to think what happen years ago. You only want that quick flash of memory and say heyyyy fuck it same ol routine let's donk it. Then hell break lose.

For those like me or have your loved ones struggling managing their big pride small ego, never stop encouraging them through their small little achievemnt as simple that time how they isolate themself away from source of anger. I would sit and cuddle my knees and just breathe heavily sometimes i would cry butost of the time i forced feed my thoughts and rationalise my action. It can take longer trying to talk yourself out. At this crucial moment. It takes another bigger person, whos is the victim of the angry person to come to him and tell him, hey while ur trying calm yourself, you achieved to be im control of your impulsive action. Small but with constant uplifting words and encouragement, the person who use to be angrier than the word itself will surprise u that they are actually a fucking nice chap.

We're only human. Share the blame and help us who struggle with our anger by telling us u recognise that we're trying and this time round, i see your struggles. No more reason and excuse of people only wants to see you angry because its your weakness. And it is you not people who chose to portray your ugly side and play victim by saying all they see is your negativity.

Self before others, happy reign over sadness. Resentment is the route to self entitlement and ignorance. There's a reason why i grow into an adult and leave the adolescent phase because no dhit sherlock.. I am suppose to leave that childish behavior long ago amd grow into something much more wise and tolerant individual.

Remember words from a wise old green thing.

.. Anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. You suffer nvm ok. Your pasal. You hurt other u dai.. Its locked down in their bad memories and until u chose to change and accept changes, boy you're in for a long ride. The jokes on u if you remain the same coz you're missing out social interaction. Be in control of yourself coz thats shapes your tmr. What's the hype keeping negativity when being happy sparks more euphoric feeling and accepted socially . Shun your ego that god has embedded in you just so u cn mess around and devulged in it. Like me, i had too much time feeding it. But no, things will change. Once this is posted. This is my recovery. Rehabilitation to a happier fendi.. My war. If you're caught in argument with me, let me be the ones spouting nonsense. Engage with me in softer but confident tone of voice. And i will eventually realise im the retarded ones and Shut my fucking ass mouth up...thats when u step in n look for queues of me realising my bodoh. Help me and tell me that hey. U pick the right choice and domt feel like your helpless cz u chose to be calm. Its 1 small step to better days..and we will see u through it.

So... If want to cibai.. Dont cibai like the world is yours. Because got bigger cibai u havent met amd your small penis problem is nothing compared to the cats u neutered. Nabei your cock problem cannot handle want to intervene into some inmocent animal problem.

Nights. Remember if its too good to be true, it is.

From your angry ego bruised boy.

Bruised bane loll

[surveysonfleek]

535.

5000 Questions Survey Pt. 30

2801. The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. But what was the question? idc. 2802. Suggest three new diary circles that you would find interesting: lol no thanks. 2803. Buttons or Knobs? knobs? idk what this is in reference to. 2804. What is a juggalo? those guys from insane clown posse, right? i could totally be wrong. 2805. Are you a fan of Crass? no.

2806. If you were going to write a short note to yourself and then put it away and read it in ten years, what would it say? i hope you ended up getting your shit together. 2807. When someone does something that is wrong do you believe that they know in their hearts that they are wrong but they push it down into their subconcious and rationalize away their guilt? yes and no. someone people genuinely don’t give a fuck. When have you done this (if you say never then you are doing it right now)? no. 2808. How can a person have sex with someone they don't love? they just... do? Have YOU ever? nope. 2809. What are the paradoxes in your head (that is when you believe two conflicting things to be true)? none. i do like reading up on paradoxes though. 2810. What does each set of two words suggest to you? pale gravity: no thanks. little mornings: spiritual machines: eccentric being: pray attention: yellow lectures: 2811. What movie would be AWESOME in 3D? tron was amazing in 3d, i actually felt sick afterwards lol. 2812. Why is it important to write and think clearly? just coz. 2813. A girl and her boyfriend are hanging out. It is obvious they are together. Another guy schmoozes between them and starts hitting on the girl. The boyfriend tells this guy to back off. The guy just keeps bothering the girl. Do you think the boyfriend would be justified in hitting this intrusive guy? i think the boyfriend should continue to use his words before getting violent. A girl and her boyfriend are hanging out. It is obvious they are together. Another GIRL(lesbian) schmoozes between them and starts hitting on the first girl. The boyfriend tells this girl to back off. The girl just keeps bothering the first girl. Do you think the boyfriend would be justified in hitting this intrusive girl? same answer as above ^ If you answered yes to one situation and no to the other one why the double standard? i had the same answer for both. 2814. What do you think of the name Prue? it reminds me of charmed. 2815. What would you spend your last dollar on? nothing, i’ll keep it. 2816. Have you ever won an ebay auction? yeah, i think i have. If yes for what? idk, this was years ago when ebay didn’t have a but it now option. 2817. Would you like it if Blockuster had a drivethrough?? blockbuster is dunzo. 2819. When was the last time you taught someone somthing and what was it? i was teaching my boyfriend how to milly rock hahaha. 2820. Why do adults and teens not understand each other? generation gaps. but i know of plenty of instances where they do understand each other. 2821. Are you afraid? no. 2822. Do you trust large drug corporations? it’s not something i’ve sat and thought about tbh. Do you trust the Food and Drug administration? idk. 2823. If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound? yes. Do you define sound as sound waves or as the reaction between the soundwaves and your ears? sound waves.  2824. Who is full of shit? your mother. 2825. Four of the five senses are routed through a special area to the brain. One sense goes right to the brain and so is a powerful sense involved with memory and emotion. Which sense do you feel this is? smell? haha idk. 2826. Are you on a ship of fools or a carousel? carousel. 2827. What is your bathing suit like? it’s just plain black. 2828. Whose line is it, anyway? not mine. 2829. Are you more likely to answer a signed in note or a nsi note? idk what a nsi note is. 2830. To be or not to be. That is the question. What is the answer? i have no idea. 2831. Does beauty exist as a definable standard or is beauty in the eyes of the beholder? it’s definitely in the eye of the beholder. Why do you think it is that so many people have the same idea of who and what is beautiful? society’s standards. but not everyone follows it. Where do your standards for judging beauty come from? i’m not sure actually. i could think someone is gorgeous but my friend would think they’re ugly. idk. 2832. Would a war with Iraq help or harm american economy? lol. 2833. What is the first thing you would do if you saw a nuclear explosion in the distance? call my family and boyfriend and check the news. 2834. Would you like to be cryogenically frozen? nah. 2835. Think of the person you love the most. Would you be willing to murder a stranger in order to save that person's life? Why or why not? eh, not sure. i’d only 100% murder the stranger if they were the one endangering my loved one’s life. i’d have to think about it otherwise. 2836. Imagine no possetions. I wonder if you can? did you mean possessions? 2837. How messed up is: your hair? it’s quite neat actually. your room? yeah it’s a mess. your car? mess. your life? mess. 2838. What are you running out of? patience. 2839. What do you live for? myself. 2840. How did you decide it was worth living for? idk, just coz it’s my life. 2841. Do you consider some people to be too: traditional? conformist? avant-garde? smart? stuck up? modern? beautiful? ugly? obsessed? emotional? petty? sneaky? fat? thin? i know people that could cover all of these things. 2842. By what criteria do you judge others? generally in their behaviour. i have no time for rude people. 2843. Do you look at people's words and actions or the underlying reasons for those words and actions? both. 2844. Which would you rather collect: simpsons action figures? <---- this kiss gear? anything with a smiley? horror movies? 2845. Do you fight for your rights? not as much as i should. 2846. Would you rather be a construction worker or a crossing guard? crossing guard. 2847. What is enought o satisfy you in life? a well paying job that i can tolerate. 2848. Do you think you have more, less, or average life experiance for your age? i think i have a little more. 2849. Why go to college? if there’s a specific career path you want to follow that requires you to go to college, i think that’s a good enough excuse to go. Have you considered joining a cult instead? never. 2850. What's the last lie you told? someone asked me how i am and i said good lol. 2851. What celebrity has the sexiest voice of females? rihanna, i love her accent. males? drake has a really smooth speaking voice. 2852. You are having a party and can invite three celebrities of your choice. The WILL come. Who do you invite? rihanna, the weeknd andddd beyonce. 2853. Where did you come from? from my parents? Where are you now? in bed. Where are you going? nowhere. 2854. What would you imagine the playboy mansion is like? tbh it never looked that appealing during that reality show. it’s not something i’d be interested in seeing. 2855. Do you blow your nose loudly in public? only if i have to. 2856. Do you help others every day? i’d like to. 2857. Bono or Chris Tucker? neither. 2858. Is it lonely being alone in your head? sometimes i like being alone. 2859. What is the worst poverty you have ever seen? philippines. 2860. Has anyone ever told you that more than 2 billion people live on less than two dollars a day? no one has told me that. i wouldn’t be surprised if it’s gotten higher since this survey was made over 10 years ago. What do you think of that? it’s really sad. 2861. Add a sentance to the story: Once upon a time there was a man named Arthur and he was brushing his teeth when all of a sudden he saw a bright rainbow utside. So he goes out the back door to take a look and he finds an elf who says fuck you. 2862. Be honest.. do you generally listen or wait for your turn to talk? i usually wait unless i have a strong point to share. 2863. How many fingers do you type with? all of them i think. 2864. What does 'you think you know but you have no idea' mean? Where did it come from as a common phrase? my interpretation of it is like... you’re making a strong assumption without actually knowing or experiencing something. 2865. Do you think it's important to give up liberties in order to protect freedom? slightly contradictory but ok. 2866. Do you think George Bush was elected in a legal way? i don’t know much about american politics. 2867. Imagine you were dying of a disease...you only had a certain amount of time left with your mte, parents or children. What would you leave behind for them to remember you by? photos, videos, letters etc. How would you feel if there were drugs to help you live, only you couldn't afford them? i’d feel pretty helpless. How would you feel if people were trying to sell you the drugs at a lower cost but the drug companies made sure they couldn't because that would cut their profits? idk. This senario is going on Right Now.The country is Africa. The disease is aids. The drug is azp (and others). The people are Africans who are very poor and have aids. The large drug corporations won't sell the drugs at a price they can afford or allow smaller companies to either. Is this acceptable? no. What are you going to do about it? there’s not much i can do but research i guess. 2868. Would you ever BUY a new ring for your cell phone that plays a couple of notes of your favorite song? nah. 2869. What has completely moved you? life. 2870. If for your next birthday you had a novelty kids birthday party what games would you play at it? hide and seek, pinata, bullrush lol. 2871. How can you keep open toed sandles from rubbing against your toes and making them blistered and raw? wear different shoes. 2872. What happens to socks when they disappear in the drier? how the hell would i know. 2873. What is the quality of humanity all about? life lol. 2874. True or false - All homophobes are inherently evil.: false... some probably are, some are just not educated. 2875. Is there anything, besides love, that money can't buy? experience. eh, half true idk. 2876. How is your soul? still there. 2877. What are you committed to? these damn surveys lol. 2879. Are you photogenic? no. 2880. Can you define these words off the top of your head as if you were talking to someone who didn't know what they were? rain: cold: green: sand: eh, too tired to think. 2881. Why aren't you naked (or are you)? because i’m cold. 2882. Do you think anoyone is all good or all evil? possibly. 2883. Go outside a sec. how many animals are in your yard? lol hell no. Did you count yourself? why or why not? 2884. What household appliance drags you down? none. they’re all very useful. 2885. try this..write a list of six possibilities of things you could do after you are off the computer. Make sure that at lease ONE thing is something you would be unlikely to ever do. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. no. Now grab a dice (if you have none ask someone to pick a number between 1 and 6) and decide what you will do by flipping it. Then do it! 2886. Which of the following doesn't belong with the others and why? a. garden b. love c. magazine d. death idk 2887. How old are you? 26. What age do you feel mentally? 26. emotionaly? same. spiritualy? is there an age for spirituality? 2888. Who do you think is more wise: your mailman or a person who has been living on the streets for 12 years? it would just depends on the person. 2889. Do you kiss on the first date? i’m open to it. 2890. Would you ever want to be oon: a dating show(which)? no. a game show(which)? the amazing race. the news(why)? no, i don’t want any attention. 2891. How much money would it take to get you to: strip to nuthing but a bright orange thong (for guys, orange thongs an string bikini top for girls)and wrestle another person of the same sex in a thong in a pool of jello? 10k. participate in a contest where you drink alcohol as fast as you can until you puke? i’ll do it for like $100 lol. i’ll puke instantly. sit absolutely still for 2 hours, in nothing but a towel, covered in plaster of paris? $1000 maybe. Walk around at your school in bondage gear asking people to spank you on the ass with a huge dead octopus tenticle? i don’t go to school and that’s just creepy. pick your nose and eat it? $50 hahah. smash potatoes with your head? if it doesn’t hurt i’ll do it for a pretty low price. 2892. Who deserves an appology? my grandma. 2893. What wins the award as stupidst lyric you can think of? i feel like every artist has released a song with cringey lyrics. 2894. Where do you most like to be massaged? neck, back and feet. 2895. Is your face clear? no :( i got like two pimples after a night out. 2896. Finish this phrase in a humorous way.. Friends don't let friends... eat salad. 2897. What present would you bring to the birthday party of an aquaintance? i’d regift them something i already had. sorry lol. 2898. Is your game on? no. 2899. What would a song for the deaf be like? possibly feeling the bass. How about a painting for the blind? a visual description. 2900. What is a sure-fire way to get noticed? yeah, run around naked in public.

[thefangirlslair]

FIRE (A Touken One-Shot Fanfiction)

Note: This is my very first fic so please bear with me. This is a work of fiction so I hope you understand if ever there is flaw with the plot with regards to the original source which is the manga itself. There might be grammatical errors as well so sorry in advance. Please, if ever you’re just a hater of this ship or the fandom or Ishida or just life in general, leave the premises, thank you. Hahaha!

This is actually made just for myself coz I want to. So y'all actually can’t do anything about this shit. Lol. But I wanted to share this to my co-shippers because I’m a bit proud with this one and this is my first. This is how I would want and have imagined the story will go, if only I was Ishida-sensei. But I trust him tremendously. I love that man. He made our OTP canon as fuck! Fucking hell yes!!!

Finished this after 7hrs and a few hours before the next chapter, this is how I imagine would happen after Chapter 130. Enjoy and thank you for reading! I would love to hear your comments and suggestions. Love lots! Xo

IMPORTANT PS. This is the new tumblog that I made for my fangirl moments. So this is where I will fangirl hard on TouKen and the rest of Tokyo Ghoul :Re, and the other manga’s that I read, and the other things that I really love. Thank you! FOLLOW ME!!!

PPS. SORRY FOR THIS LONG ASS NOTE. —–

Touken Pairing (5,052 words)

A Poor Attempt at Writing Fics TouKen Edition I

Fire

If there’s one word to describe his feeling, it’s definitely this: fire. He feels like his whole body, heart and soul are burning in a hot, blaring fire. Kaneki never really felt like this before. Not until he saw what happened to Touka.

The said girl is sitting with her head down, obviously in pain. She’s clutching her right arm with her left hand and biting her lip to supress her groan because of her injuries. Fortunately, she only got few cuts in her arms, legs and face. But she hit her head while dodging her opponent’s attack so she feels a little dizzy.

Kaneki continues to seethe internally so he wouldn’t have to take his anger on Touka in full force. They’re in his room in their base at the underground located at the 24th ward.

—– After the fight, he immediately took Touka’s unconscious body to escape the scene. He didn’t want to risk being found by the back-up teams heading their way. He took a little damage since his body can’t heal properly but he managed to carry Touka all the way to their base, even in his worried state. He almost thought Touka’s dead while holding her in his arms. He felt so helpless and scared for her life. He had never felt so weak.

Entering their base, they were immediately surrounded by few Goat members including Tsukiyama, Nishio, Naki and Miza. Hirako also went up to them to check what happened. He shouted to ask if someone could check on Touka’s condition while laying her somewhere safe. He was ushered away by Tsukiyama to check on his head for there is a slight gash on the side of it, bleeding slightly. Tsukiyama tend to his wounds and he silently welcome the sting of it while never taking his eyes off Touka being treated by Nishio.

Nishio quickly went to her side and checked her limp form. He was a pharmaceutical student, but he knows a few things about medical stuff, thanks to his human ex-girlfriend, Kimi. He noticed that there was a quite deep wound in her right arm and few cuts and bruises all over her arms and face. Her legs have bruises and cuts too but nothing deep and serious. He checked for broken bones and discovered none. Other than that, there’s nothing to worry about. He cleaned the wounds and put bandages on them, and told Kaneki that she would be fine. She probably lost consciousness because of her current body condition.

A forbidden image of Touka receiving what she asked of him comes to mind. He remembered his curiosity when she asked him to buy human food. But then, it’s not his place to ask questions so he did what she asked. Besides, she asked him quite nicely. That was unusual of her. He told Kaneki that Touka was just exhausted and probably wake up in a few hours. He did not tell him anything else.

Kaneki breathed a sigh of relief. He immediately picked up Touka and carried her all the way to his room where he laid her down on his bed. He knows that Touka is strong. Hell, she’s one of the strongest people he ever met in his life and it’s not just as a ghoul, but as a person. Her personality and her whole being just screams braveness. But the fear of losing her because of his incapability to protect her overwhelms him every time. He’s the One Eyed King and yet, he still can’t protect the ones he care about; the ones who depend on him; the ones he love.

—– Seeing her right now, finally awake and looking down while hiding her pain from him, infuriated him more. Only God knows if it’s at Mutsuki who’s the sole reason of all this, at Touka because she’s as reckless as him, or at himself for being such an idiot. He should’ve burned the report regarding Yoriko’s death sentence. He knew it was wrong that he kept it from Touka but he just wanted her to be able to take care of herself. Especially now that he’s aware of her condition. She haven’t said a thing about it but he already have his suspicions right after his talk with Nishio, and it further strengthened when he saw her calendar and was literally thrown out of her room.

Kaneki stopped pacing back and forth and just focused on Touka. He wanted to say a lot of things. But his current burning feeling doesn’t help. Instead he quietly said, “You scared me.”

He finally saw Touka lift her head and their eyes locked. Her wide, suprised ones to his fearful and angry orbs. Slowly, his gaze went from her eyes down to her nose, and lips, and chin. His eyes roaming around her face, noticing purple bruises and ugly cuts on her cheeks and the corner of her lip. His gaze slowly going down, down, down; to her neck, her chest and her arms. Her long sleeved shirt and her tights were torn all over the place when he carried her so when Nishio finished her bandages and they’re in his room, he took off her torn shirt and her ripped tights and gently put her in his white t-shirt. It was too big for her so it covered half of her body, ending just in the middle of her thighs.

If not in their current situation and his mild rage inside him, he would’ve been aroused by her image – her hair messed up, her eyes wide drinking him in, her lips a pinkish color beside the small bruise on the corner of her mouth.

Touka in his clothes.

He committed this image to memory to think about when he misses her, a few rooms away from him every night. But his eyes flew to her thighs and saw cuts, her knee scraped, and a gash on her leg. He saw her consciously try to conceal them from his eyes and he saw her writhe in pain from moving. Her whole body aches and it can be seen clearly from her face. His anger went on another level. Touka clutching her deeply wounded arm did not help at all.

He continued, saying his words a little louder because of anger, with his voice a bit shaky and breathy at once, “You fucking scared me, Touka-chan.”

He lessen the blow of his remark with that suffix following her name but inside he wanted to scream. And it’s already evident in his voice when he continued to speak.

“How could you risk your life like that? How could you follow me knowing that it would be dangerous? How could you fight Aura in your condition?! Do you know how frightened I was when I saw you there?! I knew you were right here, safe and sound, and suddenly you appeared there and didn’t think about yourself! You should’ve trusted me! I know I could save Yoriko myse-”

At that remark, he saw Touka’s eyes flashed with anger and suddenly Kaneki’s heart lurched. He have never seen her this way before and his words got stuck in his throat until he heard her talk.

“Yoriko is my friend,” Touka said with her voice hushed laced with venom. Directing her eyes back at Kaneki’s, she continued, “Do you expect me to just sit here and wait for her to die? Do you expect me to just watch until the news of her death suddenly break me?” Her voice cracked a little, and Kaneki felt his heart did too.

“And what about you? Do you expect me to just do nothing while you risk your life? Alone? For fuck’s sake, Kaneki! Why do you always do this to yourself?!” Her eyes suddenly filled with angry and frustrated tears. Her voice dropped down a few notch until it’s almost like an anguished whisper, “Why do you always do this to me?”

Kaneki stood there, feeling his anger wane a little, but the fire remains. Whether it’s the fire of rage or fire of fear or maybe the fire of love, he doesn’t even know anymore. All he could see is Touka’s tears starting to form in her eyes, staring defiantly at him. His heart dropped as a tear did as well, spilling across her injured cheek.

He always thought Furuta and his games will be the death of him. Maybe his hunger or his recklessness. But now he realized that perhaps Touka’s tears will be his ultimate demise.

She took a deep breath and wiped away the tear from her cheek. She composed herself before opening her mouth to speak, “I know it was reckless. And I know you only meant good. But she is important to me and I would do everything I can to save her. You would’ve done the same if you were in my shoes.”

And then she added quietly, “I would’ve done the same thing over and over again.. just like I would if you were taken away by anyone.”

He put his hand over his heart by then, feeling like something squeezed it. Kaneki continues to stand there across from her sitting form, a few feet away from his bed. His anger being replaced by shame, longing and exhaustion. He wanted to gather her in her arms to console her for not being able to take Yoriko away.

—– Yoriko was never there in their meeting place. Mutsuki told him that he should go to the chateau as Mutsuki will break out Yoriko from the CCG headquarters, then bring her there to prove Mutsuki’s loyalty to him. He knew it was a trap but he was desperate to help Touka’s friend. For Touka’s sake. He knew how important Yoriko was to her. He was such an idiot for believing Mutsuki. When he got there, Mutsuki was there waiting for him. That’s when he knew he fucked up miserably.

They were fighting for a while then and it was evident that he got the upper hand until he sensed another force coming from behind and it was Shinsanpei Aura, a few feet from him and ready to strike with his quinque. Kaneki got distracted and Mutsuki used this as an opportunity to attack him. He blocked Mutsuki’s attempt and was struggling to dodge Aura’s quinque when shock gripped his whole body completely.

And that’s when Touka appeared behind him to block Aura’s attack. She managed to block Aura with her kagune and counter-attacked with her close combat skills. Kaneki didn’t have the chance to see Touka and Aura’s fight for he was busy with his own fight with Mutsuki but he was shaking the entire time, desperate to knock Mutsuki out to get him and Touka away from there.

After a few minutes of fighting, he was finally able to disarm Mutsuki of his quinque and damage his kagune. Mutsuki was lying down, knocked out from their battle. If Tsukiyama was there with him, he would’ve told him to kill Mutsuki and not just leave him be. Hell, his right hand man would probably kill Mutsuki himself.

But as torn as he was whether to do it or not, he did not have the time for that. His mind was occupied by Touka who was facing Aura, a very cunning opponent, and they’re nowhere to be found. Kaneki went cold all over.

He quickly searched around the area and scanned it frantically. His heart thumping wildly and his mind giving him possible scenarios of what happened to Touka are making him shake uncontrollably. Then, he stopped midway his frantic running and saw a body.

It’s obvious that its left arm was twisted and broken. A small puddle of blood pooling under it and the stench of it filled his nostrils. He fought the hunger and swallowed his fear. He ran closer to it when he recognized it as Aura’s bloody limp form. It was slumped a few meters away from Touka’s unmoving body and that’s when he saw her.

That’s when he knew he fucked up more than he did before.

He wanted to kill Aura right then and there but knowing that Touka is more important, he dismissed his initial reaction and took his Touka in his arms. Besides, Touka took care of Aura already, evident with his broken arms and perhaps spilled organs. He’s either dead or nearly dead. He doesn’t give a single fuck.

That’s my girl, Kaneki thought. Pride, fear and love swelling inside him. He’s taking them home.

We’re going home, Touka-chan.

—– And now, as he stood there in front of Touka, with her looking at him the way as he was looking at her, he thank whoever it was to be thanked for because she’s alive. She’s here. She’s safe.

Kaneki walked the little distance between them and kneels in front of her. She looks down on him as he raise his eyes on hers. He whispers, “I’m sorry.”

Tears starts to form again in her eyes. He raises his hand and use his thumb to wipe them away as they spill along her wounded face. Touka closed her eyes and cried silently.

“I know I should’ve told you,” Kaneki said, his hands still on her face. He wanted to kiss her tears away so bad. But first, they need to talk. “But you should’ve told me, too.”

Touka opened her eyes then. She starts to say, “There was no time and you were already gone so I-”

He immediately cut her off, “I’m not.. talking about.. that.”

A long silence ensued. They’re both looking at each other without uttering any word. Touka opened her mouth a few times, only to close them. Kaneki patiently waited for her to gather her thoughts and speak.

After a few minutes, Touka looked down and bit her lip. She was clearly avoiding his eyes.

Kaneki struggled to keep his smile. She’s so cute, he can’t help but think.

“I guess you knew when you saw my calendar.”

He smirked a bit, “Actually, it was when Nishio-senpai told me.”

Touka looked at him abruptly and angrily retorted, “What?! Four-Eyes told you?!” She struggled to get up but Kaneki, still kneeling in front of her, gripped her hands and put his arms on the sides of her thighs to keep her from standing up.

“You’re not in the right condition, Touka-chan,” he said, softly. Suddenly amused, he realized that his anger is finally gone and he actually find their situation quite amusing and endearing.

But Touka obviously don’t think so.

“Oh, I still have strength to kick his damn ass! I’m gonna kick them so hard he’d need another glasses coz I will shove it together up in his butt,” Touka furiously remarked while still struggling under his grip. Kaneki couldn’t help but chuckle.

Touka heard this and turned her attention to Kaneki, her intention of kicking Nishiki’s ass slowly being turned towards the white haired man kneeling in front of her.

“Why are you laughing?”, she asked, her teeth gritted.

“I can’t let you do that,” Kaneki told her. He’s keeping his face neutral, for his sake. “I can’t let you roam around our base looking like a feast for every man’s eyes. I won’t.”

The girl stopped struggling and just looked at him. She looked down at her attire. He saw how her face changed from an angry shade of red because of her pissed off attitude to a deep glow of pink because of shame.

She’s so fucking beautiful, Kaneki thought with a skip of a heartbeat.

He couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up and pushed Touka down his bed gently. She wanted to struggle but Kaneki hovered over her and she felt like the cat got her tongue.

Kaneki smiled softly at her and he gently lay down beside her. His left arm went under her nape to wound around so he could grip her shoulder, his right snakes around her waist and gently tug her body against his. Her face is red now, and Kaneki put his head a few inches from hers. He never knew Touka can be shy.

Of all the times they were alone, whether talking or doing unspeakable things to each other (which is really not often, to his dissapointment and relief at once), she was always the one who initiates it. And to be honest, he doesn’t mind at all. He secretly likes it. Besides, Touka is really far decisive than he is. She’s fierce, and passionate, and wild, and sweet, and everything good in this world. If she wants to do something, she will do it. Fuck the consequences. It may be her biggest flaw, but to Kaneki, it’s what makes her Touka. And he loves her for that alone. Her beautiful face, and her more beautiful body, and her most beautiful heart are just another extra bonus. A big, fat one at that.

He continues to stare at her face, relishing the quiet around them.

I missed you. I missed this, Kaneki thought to himself.

As if she heard his thoughts, she blurted out a hushed “What?” She tried to sound annoyed, but her blushing face says something else.

Kaneki patiently smiled at her, “We should talk. We could’ve avoided all this if we did this a little sooner.”

Touka silently looked at him, then nodded. “I thought so, too.” She laughed a bit and added, “We’re so stubborn, you and I.”

Kaneki couldn’t agree more. Because of their situation with their food and the issue with Furuta’s plans above ground, plus their plans on the counter-attack, Kaneki doesn’t have the time to talk to Touka and check on how she’s doing. They barely see each other and the only reminder he has of her is her sweet scent, the feel of her body pressed against him, and her parents’ ring now wrapped around his neck by a silver chain.

Touka is eyeing the said ring while she said, “I didn’t want you to worry too much about me. I know you have a lot on your plate right now. And I cannot be much of help. I can’t burden you with another thing.”

She said it really softly that if he was not paying his full attention, he would’ve missed it entirely.

“Why do you think you are a burden, Touka-chan?”, he asked her. He cannot believe Touka would think like that about herself. She have never been so wrong.

“I’m afraid, Kaneki,” she admitted. Her fingers unconsciously toying with her parents’ ring. “I’m afraid of what’s to come. What if this situation will be used against you? What if this pregnancy fails?”

Her fingers stopped fiddling with the ring and she splayed her hand against his chest. She looked at his eyes, fearful and sad at once.

“What if I don’t make it?”

His grip on her body automatically went tighter. “Don’t,” he half shouted, half whispered. “Don’t even think about it.”

“But what if, Kaneki? We don’t know what’s gonna happen. We don’t know if this baby needs a human food or what,” Touka cried. Tears started to form again and this time, they’re the scared kind. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t-”

Kaneki abruptly cut her words with his mouth. He kissed her lips, tasted tears and love and sweet, sweet Touka. He kissed her cheek, her wounds on them, her nose, her eyes. Everywhere his lips could reach. He could hear her quiet sobs and he doesn’t know how to ease her pain but he’s trying. God, he’s trying.

He buried his face in her neck, his hands rubbing her shoulders and her back as she quietly cries. Her hands now grip his shirt between their bodies, he could feel her shaking.

He continues to soothe her as much as he can. He couldn’t even imagine how hard must it be for her. All he could do is just be there for her.

After a few moments, she visibly relaxes. He turn his face towards her face and see her looking at him, tears drying on her perfect face.

Beautiful, he thought.

And it was not enough just to think about it so he told her, “You’re so beautiful, Touka Kirishima.”

She closes her eyes and smile. And when she opened them, her hands went to his face, tracing his eyebrows, down to his nose and lips. He puckered his lips to kiss them.

“I lost everything important in my life already,” he started. His gaze never leaving her.

“My dad at first. Then my mother. After being with my auntie and her family, I lost that too. I lost my whole family. I had Hide and then I became a ghoul. I thought it was a punishment. Because I knew I might lose Hide along the way because of it. And I did. I lost Hide. My bestfriend in the whole world, and I lost him. And I’ve never felt so alone. So lonely.

Then Anteiku. I was angry and scared when I became a ghoul. But Yoshimura-san’s solemn face made me at peace. I was happy for a while, being with all of you there. Only to be taken away from all of you after the raid. I felt angry towards myself again, for I wasn’t able to protect everyone I care about.

Then I became a Dove. I had friends there, Suzuya for one. And I got my so-called parents, Akira and Arima. My Quinx. The moody Urie, the shy Mutsuki, the sweet Saiko.. And the kind Shirazu. And I lost them all. Shirazu who I wasn’t able to see before he died; Tooru who went to a terrible path; Juuzuo, Urie and Yonebayashi who I haven’t seen for such a long time and probably sent to hunt me down and kill me; Akira who I lost as I lost Haise; and Arima, my only father figure that I had, who died in my arms. I lost them all.

And now, recently, the :re cafe. You worked so hard for that cafe, Touka-chan. Just to wait for me to come home. To you. And I lost it too. We lost it.”

Memories and feelings flooded him. His heart hurt remembering all these people and all these things that happened to him. His life really is a tragedy.

But every time his eyes fall on Touka, something blooms inside him.

Hope.

“But you’re still here. With me,” he tells Touka. His hand caressing her face, soothing her injuries. His arm wounded around her shoulders slowly tracing her bones with his fingers. His eyes roaming around her face, committing everything to his memory.

His hand stopped on the junction between her shoulders and neck, his thumb moving rhythmically. “I won’t lose you again, Touka. I can’t lose you.”

His emotions started to grip him powerfully at once, “I can’t lose you, too.”

He closed his eyes and felt hot tears spill on the left side of his face, tiny drops obvious on his white pillowcase.

He can feel Touka’s eyes on him. Then a split second passed and her arms are around him, his arms immediately doing the same, his body desperate for the comfort of her arms and her heart.

They cried together for a while. Because that’s what you do for the one you love. You don’t do anything alone. No I, no me. Always us. Always together. Always.

Kaneki loosen his grip on her after a moment then takes her face in his hands, “We can do this, Touka-chan. You and me, together.”

He looked down below at her stomach. Feelings of fear, anticipation and love overwhelms him.

That’s my child right there, he mused in his thoughts. My own flesh and blood. Touka and I’s child.

Ours.

He looks back at her, “I’ll do my best to protect you. Protect you both. I’ll make our future safe. I won’t fail you, Touka-chan.”

“Kaneki,” Touka stated. His heart hurts just by seeing her like this. He waited for what she’s gonna say next.

“Promise me one thing,” she whispered. Her voice soft but determined. Her eyes wet but steady on his. “Whatever happens, save the baby.”

Kaneki stopped breathing. “What are you saying? How ca-”

“Promise me!” Touka urged him. She’s hurting him and she knows it, but she wants to make sure the safety of her child. Their child. “Please, Kaneki.”

She’s asking him to choose their child if it ever comes to that point. That means he would lose her. He wouldn’t want that. He can’t take that. He might as well just die.

But knowing Touka, she might resent him when they meet in the afterlife, if ever there is one. And he can’t take that as well.

The thought of leaving a mark in this world, in that case, his child, is a pretty exhilarating idea. Knowing that his child will be there to witness the world he fought hard to create and protect. A world where humans and ghouls live together in peace. He will do everything in his power to achieve that goal.

Looking at her, he sees endless possibilities. And knowing that one day, he might not see her again; hold her like this again and kiss her senseless again – he made a promise to her and to himself.

“I won’t stop,” he started slowly. “Never, until my goal is achieved. And if there may come a time that I have to choose between you and our child..”

His voiced cracked a little but continued, “I promise to choose our child.”

Touka breathed an almost mute ‘thank you’ until she heard him again.

“But not without putting up a goddamn fight,” Kaneki declared, his gaze steady and determined on Touka. “I will always fight for you, Touka.”

She was breathless. His eyes are full of fire and determination that it took Touka’s breath away. Her heart skipped a beat.

I love you so much, she thought to herself. You’re so brave, my love.

Kaneki saw her eyes flash, full of unsaid feelings. He thinks he must look the same for there are words unspilled in his mouth. He can’t contain them anymore.

“I love you,” he quietly mused. He looked at her and saw her staring with shock. It’s the first time he said it and it just felt so right. “I love you, Touka Kirishima. I love you so much like my heart could burst.”

There, it’s out, he breathed a sigh of relief. What will she say? Does she feel the same? Nah, I don’t care if she doesn’t. I just wanna say it out loud. She doesn’t have to answer now, I could wai-

“I love you too,” she murmured. She’s looking down on the ring around his neck. She’s licking and biting her lips nervously. A slight blush creeping on her wounded cheeks.

After and despite all the heavy burdens they threw out of their chests, he smiled. A big, goofy one. She loves him, and he couldn’t ask for anything better.

Touka saw this expression and said, “What’s with that annoying face?”

She didn’t seem annoyed, she’s more like trying to be annoyed. It’s hard when his cute smile is right in front of her. Meanwhile, Kaneki feels like a real king.

“Nothing,” he answered happily. She chuckled under her breath and felt his body shake with mirth as well. They’re so weird. Crying, then laughing the next second. Perfect for each other.

Kaneki kissed her then. He kissed her like it’s gonna be the last time. They both know there are too many problems to solve, and friends to save, and plans to create. But right now, they kiss. They kiss and they love. And it would be enough, even just for right now.

Kaneki’s kissing Touka’s neck, hearing her softly moan against his ear, making him shudder because of too much pleasure and love. At this rate, they’re gonna end up banging each other’s brains out. But Touka’s injured condition may not take that. So Kaneki needs to stop this before he forgets her wounded form and pounce on her. It’s so hard especially when his hand is already gripping her exposed thighs and he could see her underwear because his shirt she’s wearing just rode up. He’s losing it.

Think! Kaneki pressed on his thoughts as he kisses her mouth, drinking her sighs as he stroke inside with his tongue.

Fuck, think you idiot!

He suddenly thought of something and he knows he’s gonna be in trouble for saying this but he had no choice.

He broke the kiss and breathed out, “What about Nishio-senpai? What are you gonna do about him?”

He haven’t told Touka that Nishio didn’t even tell him directly that she’s pregnant. He just hinted at it but well, Kaneki’s desperate now.

Sorry, Nishio-senpai.

Touka looked taken aback at first because they were making out when he blurts this shit out. She immediately thought of the four-eyed bastard and seethed under her breath, “Oh he’s gonna be in trouble. I can’t believe he told you I’m pregnant. I haven’t told anyone. Not even Hinami or Ayato.”

“What did you just say?! And what the hell is this?!” a loud voice suddenly came into the room.

Kaneki stood up abruptly and saw a very mad, very fuming Yomo in front of them, his face contorted in anger.

Touka and Kaneki looked at each other worriedly. Kaneki actually looked a little green. Yomo is either angry at the both of them because Touka is pregnant, or because he saw them barely making out like teenagers with raging hormones. Touka thinks it’s the former plus the fact that she was injured, the latter appealed to Kaneki more.

Well, Kaneki thinks to himself. At least Touka is safe from me. She’s still in no condition to be made love to.

But looking back at Yomo and his very angry face made him doubt his choices in life. Especially the choice to refuse his desire for the love of his life and the choice to use his Nishio-senpai as a cover to save his girl from his hormones.

Eitherway, karma is real.

One Eyed King or not, Kaneki thought to himself. You’re still an idiot.

[mysticdaddies]

Saeyoung Wedding Dance: One Shot

Hello everyone c: since the munchkin war has ended not so long ago, I decided to get started on the Wedding Dace One shots :,) In case you missed the others here they are, Saeran Choi, Jumin Han, Jihyun Kim/V , :) In my personal opinion, this is the most emotional wedding dace one shot I have ever written...  I cried so hard writing this one shit...some of the emotions come from within me... I hope you guys can feel the emotion :) Thank you - Savior Saeran 

Why cant I fake my smile around you? Why did you have to be my biggest weakness. I am suppose to be the strong one but when it comes to you, Im always weak. What have you done to me? 

I breathed in and out watching how my body slowly releases the stress that it has been carrying. However, that moment of release only last a few seconds and then the stress comes back again. I looked at the mirror and saw myself. If people saw my reflection, they would see a clown who is always happy with life no matter what. Sadly, that’s not even the truth at all. When I look at my reflection, I don't even realize who that person is. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard my best man knocking at the bathroom door. I opened the door and saw my brother/best man, Saeran Choi, and I give him a big old welcome smile. He didn't even look at me while he walked in and closed the door “How are you feeling?” he asked with sincerity. I gave him a quick glance and walked towards the sink to take a better look into the mirror “The real question is ‘how are you feeling brother’, you look like an adorable penguin!” I managed to say with a chuckle. I noticed his stern face expression because of the mirror and I noticed him walking towards me. He put his hand in his pocket and took out a long black box and opened it. I was shocked seeing chain with a cross in the box.  He looked into my stunned eyes and took out the chain from the box and showed it to me “I know that I caused a lot of trouble for you and (y/n) and I may not say it often, but I appreciate the both of you so much. You two are my family and I uh love you um b-brother” he said softly. He then proceeded to put the chain on me “Now while I fix this, why don't you tell me how you are really feeling?” he looked up with a smile on his face. There are only two people who can knows the real me: my brother who has a special place in my heart, and the love of my life, (f/n) (l/n), who has the power over my body and soul. I looked at him while my act slowly breaks apart infant of him and he pulled me into a hug and I hold on tightly crying, mumbling my fears and joys. He held me tighter and I cried harder. 

TIME SKIP: WEDDING DANCE

The exact moment when I heard the double doors open and the church/space station was playing the wedding song, I saw the birth of a beautiful angel. An angel god sent me and my family, to help us continue on with life. Many hours passed and we made it to our reception. Thankfully god made (y/n) perfectly for me because she didnt get upset when I mentioned months back that the wedding dance song will be a surprised. I know she may be thinking we are going to do something silly but she will be wrong. I need her to know how much I love and appreciate her. I guided her to the middle of the dance floor and signaled for the lights to dim down a bit. I looked at Saeran so he can signal the DJ to start the song for our first dance: Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me, For all the truth that you made me see, For all the joy you brought to my life, For all the wrong that you made right, For every dream you made come true, For all the love I found in you, I'll be forever thankful baby, You're the one who held me up, Never let me fall, You're the one who saw me through through it all

She looked so beautiful that I wondered what exactly did I do to deserve to be her true ending. She could of had anyone but she choosed me out of billion of people out there. (Y/N) decided to spend the rest of eternity together with me and I am truly blessed. I gave her a twirl while we were dancing and when she came back to me I leaned in closer so she can hear my words “Can I show my true feelings for you” I asked softly. You looked at me with your beautiful eyes and tip toed to my ear “Of course my amazing husband” you said sweetly. Ugh. Your voice makes my heart melt. I brought you closer to me and gave a heavy sigh “ Im honestly really scared to tell you but I need you to know this because you are stuck with me till we get grey and old. When I had to search you information before you can officially become an RFA member, what caught my attention was your facial expressions. It had so much sincerity that it astonished  me that someone can be so pure. After having the honor of meeting you, I pushed you away because I wasn't worthy of your love. I was suppose to be miserable because I don't deserve happiness. You slowly became my happiness and I resented you for it because I didn't want to taint you with my darkness. I would never of imagined in a million of years, that my God sent me you to prevent myself from being consumed in darkness.” The memories of our journey was hitting me like a ton of bricks. I brought her closer to me just imagining if my greatest fear did come true. What happened if I actually love my brother and my love? The thought of that made me crack up the chain I had around my heart that only I could ever open. 

You were my strength when I was weak, You were my voice when I couldn't speak, You were my eyes when I couldn't see, You saw the best there was in me, Lifted me up when I couldn't reach, You gave me faith 'coz you believed I'm everything I am, Because you loved me

I was scared to show her how I truly felt because what happened if she realizes that I'm only alive because of her? I decided to ignore my negatives thoughts and lightly gave a quick dip and then brought you back to me. I caressed your beautiful skin that somehow belong to me now “Thank you (y/n) for accepting all of me. You were the only one in the RFA to laugh at my jokes and never once, never fucking one you called me weird or made fun of. You actually understood me and that scared me. It scared me because you saw through the many mask I had and I knew I didn't deserve you. I was too broken for you or for anyone else to fix. Somehow you saw past Agent 707 and Luciel and noticed how fucked up Saeyoung Choi really is. You didn't care how much I hated myself because you were always there. You were there when I cried myself to sleep, when I tried to take my life away, when I tried to push everyone away.... you were always there. Why did you pick me? Why did you decide to make me your final route? There is a saying that whoever you made your final route is the one that you were always destined to be with. Thank you for allowing me, no I'm sorry, for giving me the honor to be your soulmate. If it wasn't for your love (y/n) I wouldn't have learned to love myself. I wouldn't  even have my brother back in my life. If it wasn't for your help, we would be distance but you helped us became a family again. Damn (y/n), I owe my life to you and I'm not afraid to admit it. Thank you for making me feel human.”

You gave me wings and made me fly, You touched my hand I could touch the sky, I lost my faith, you gave it back to me, You said no star was out of reach You stood by me and I stood tall, I had your love I had it all, I'm grateful for  each, day you gave me, Maybe I don't know that much, But I know this much is true, I was blessed because I was loved by you

Just feeling your arms intertwined behind my back felt like a dream. Did I really deserve this? If this was a dream, I'm going to cherish this moment forever because if I wake up and you weren't next to me, I would at least have you in my dreams. Call me selfish but I'm glad you chose me in the end. I will forever thank the man above for allowing me to be your true ending.  Looking at your face lend against my chest while we move around in circles sends chills throughout my body. Knowing for a fact this is reality brings tears to my eyes and its finally time I told you how much I truly worship you.

You were always there for me, The tender wind that carried me, A light in the dark shining your love into my life, You've been my inspiration, Through the lies you were the truth, My world is a better place because of you

I grabbed your hands from behind my back and brought them to lips. I kissed it ever so gently and looking into your beautiful eyes killed me. I am alive because of your beating heart. I am happy because of you gave me a reason to be happy about something. Just waking up next to you, whether you are snoring or not makes me happy. When we have petty arguments it made me happy because it just meant that we were going to come out of it stronger. Emotions started to flow throughout my body because the chain around my heart finally broke. I fell to my knees and started to sob while my hands clenched around yours “You were always there for me, when I thought all hope was lost, I looked for your hand to hold to reassure me that everything was going to be okay. You are my strength (y/n) choi and every ounce of cell that created me belongs to you. You own me because you prevented me from giving up hope on love and life.” Tears and love were flowing out of my body because I was finally giving my all to you. I hold your hand even tighter because I'm not finished yet “The tender wind that carried me, when I was down you helped me get back up. You were there defending me from the world because you knew how badly the world hurt me. You looked past my faults, and accepted me for who I am!! You are my shield and I promise you that I will catch every star and hand it to you. You deserve every thing in the world and I promise that I will fight for you and make sure you are happy, because your happiness fuels me into becoming a better person (y/n). A light in the dark shining your love into my life, when you tried to love me I tried to stop you because how can you love someone who died many years back? You didnt care because you knew there was still life in my trying to fight the darkness and I couldn't do it alone. You extended your hand to me my love and I thank you for not letting me die. You've been my inspiration, through the lies you were the truth, you were the one (y/n) to show me the truth of it all. When I found out the truth about Rika and Jihyun, you were there to keep me steady. You were also there to show me that its okay to be sad. That its okay to feel worthless because they are all reasonable emotions but you also showed me that I cant be in that state forever. You helped me become a better Saeyoung and I will forever worship the ground you walk on. I look forward to the day I can tell our children our love story. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you (y/n). My world is a better place because of you, and when I take my last breath looking into your eyes our story will rewind quickly in my head before I close my eyes for the last time. Just know this (y/n), when the time does come for me to leave this earth, just know my soul and heart will forever stay with you. Just know I will be protecting you and my brother even when I'm not there. Just know, I will be waiting for you my love so we can spend paradise together”. 

I'm everything I am Because you loved me

You helped me back up and embraced me into a hug. I hold you tightly wanting our body and souls to become one. I notice that you pulled away ever so slightly giving room for your hand to signal someone to come over. I tried looking but the tears in my eyes were giving my vision a hard time. I then felt a delicate hand wiping my tears away and I was able to see my brother having tears in his eyes. I cleaned his tears away just like when we were little kids. I then grabbed (y/n) and Saeran closer to me into a big hug “Thank you for everything. I will am forever thankful for the both of you. (Y/N) I love you and thank you for making us a family again” I felt the arms of my brother and my wife wrap around me and I knew from this moment I had two rocks in my life. I would die for this two people. They are my biggest weakness and I will forever show them how much I love them till my last breath. 

Thank You. 

Thank you (y/n). 

I’m everything I am, because you love me (y/n)

I love you my angel. 

[themaraudingmisfits-blog]

Advice you probably shouldn’t take

DISCLAIMER: The following decrees are spewed by the mind of a highly unqualified twenty something who has zero knowledge about philosophy and even lesser tact or wisdom to dish out sappy quotes and is totally against self help books and thinks rainy days in her jammies with hot cocoa is what it feels like to be “zen”.

Since I don’t have a fairy Godmother who turns pumpkins into carriages, life sorta continued sucking till I learned these things the hard way and I though hey, why not bug you guys with it and maybe some unhappy soul  who is ambling around in this big bad world might actually find it useful but then again since it’s me, it’s advice you probably shouldn’t take...

#1.My first decree to all you humans and non -alike-THOU SHALT BE AWESOME!!

Don’t ever be any less!!

Don’t go down gently!!

Be relentless!!!

Raise hell!!

To all the haters who tell you to be less weird or less loud or to live by the rules or to be part of the flock…tell all of them to fuck off!!

We struggle with the whole of our being to get through each day, with bad coffee and late passes and F’s on pop quizzes and broken hearts , why make it harder than it already is by trying to fit in? Why be a different you? Why must you listen to the dont’s and the cant’s and the shouldnt’s  and all those other frownie words?

Take your life by the reins and charge into the world with your oh so special souls coz you have one freaking life and you have to make it count as the sparkly person you are!! Be proud and awesome!

Be confused, be gay, be a lesbian, be emo, be a blob, be anything and want everything because you deserve nothing less and you are enough for yourself!!

#2.QUIT

Whaaat?? What is this crazy chick saying? The whole world tell me to keep going, to keep trying ,quitters never win and all that bull and one fine day she comes along and tells me to quit?

Yes, I just told you to quit.

Quit doing what you don’t like LOVE !!

Don’t do it coz your best friend does it, or it’s been in the family or that’s what your sister majored in. Stop taking those guitar lessons you hate, you don’t have to watch GOT or listen to profane songs or put on make-up. Stop doing all those things unless you absolutely sure as hell love doing it. Coz you’ll have been whiling away your time, missing out on things you love. Do you really want that for yourself?

If you dont’ stop now then soon you’ll be stuck at a desk job typing in numbers and missing out on doing some volunteer work or taking snake charming lessons or gorging on barbeque flavoured bagels in Northern California so quit now and run off , getting the hell away from what was holding you back,

 #3.It’s okay to say NO!!

I’m one of those people who cannot CANNOT say a decent NO to anyone even if it means doing something that makes me miserable or if it means having to walk an extra kilometre to go get that person’s favourite kind of popsicle even if she’s been a total bitch to me my whole life,I multi task, I take on stuff, a gazillion things with the complete knowledge that I know I won’t be able to go through with it but I’m going to use my yet to be discovered powers and what happens at the end? I mess up, I’m unhappy and grumpy and I compIain about what was originally my fault because I was a wimp who couldn’t muster up the single syllabic no.

But you know what? You are not super human, most of us are struggling to be barely human, we cannot do everything, that whole “anything is possible if you believe “ is total BULLSHIT!! It’s not, you can’t complete your assignments and study for that test and still have the pulsating energy for that party next door. So don’t go for it unless your brain says HELL YEAH!!LET’S DO IT!!

#4.PEOPLE  HAVE  EXPIRY DATES!!

Yea you heard me right...I said people not the can of soup that has been growing some sort of suspicious looking green stuff(which by the way you should stop hoarding!!).

Not worth it to-be stuck in a unkind, possessive , abusive, snarly ,jealous ,selfish…basically pick any word from Webster’s which associates itself with a generally unhappy state of mind relationship…those people should be dead to you by now.

IT’S TIME FOLKS!!IT’S TIME TO MOVE ON!!

Move on from friends who treat you like crap, from boyfriends who treat you like crap,from girlfriends who treat you like crap…you are not crap!!

No more abusive words, no more long sleeved sweaters to hide your black and blue skin, no more should you feel unloved, unwanted or undesired, no more lying and tears. Let’s not make our lives into a second production of sad soaps coz grass is definitely greener on this side of life where there’s only love, trust and respect and smiles from the very few who count.

So get off that curvalacious ass of yours, leave all that rotting people baggage behind for good with no guilt stricken conscience and start walking away while humming HAKUNA MATATA!!

#5.Dont strain those emotional brain muscles!!

Overanalysing?

Thinking so hard that you have that constipated vegetable look on your face? Sleepless nights? Heated discussions where you take advise from a gazillion other people who think they know what’s good for you?

Should I say yes to that guy?

Should I order that scrumplicious looking doughnut or go for that equally yummy cupcake?

Pink or blue?

STOP!!

As my dog-loving-only-chicken-eating(coz chickens don’t have brains)friend(after this maybe ex-friend) would say..go with  your instincts!!

You’ll screw up! Probably the very next decision you take after this will turn out to be a hot mess and you’ll want to kill me but atleast you’ll know never to do it that way..I now know that I shouldn’t ever wear pink after a horribly etched in my memory photoshoot, prawns make me nauseous after the embarrassing barfing incident at an upscale Chinese restaurant ,I shouldn’t ever have anything to do with technology(I go in like god-freaking-zilla and I step on it or break it or submerge it…)

I’m never a 100% certain about my decisions but they’re mine and I take sole responsibility ,no blame games for me.I stopped overthinking, I go with the flow now, I’m impulsive and rash,I don’t agonize over things anymore and it’s made life SOOOOOO much easier, more time to add the I should never do this list.

I’d be lying if I said that I don’t think and take crappy advice AT ALL ,but I’m better, instead of spending a week now I take like two days.Hey, maybe I’ll get better one day...

#6.Love the hot boiling mess that you turn your life into!

YOU SCREWED UP??? What the hell is wrong with you? How could you mess this up? Weren’t you thinking straight??

Dudes and dudettes, I’d ask those same questions to the ones who don’t screw up and pack them off to the nearest loony bin.

It’s okay to screw up…it’s normal.

Everyone around you telling you to be a proactive fixer upper?

Being asked to take responsibility ?

To stop moping around and take action?

BACK OFF!!Those people are the emotionless Umbridges of life.

You messed up? Big fucking whoop!! You don’t have to pick yourself up, take all the blame, find a solution and make things right and still have the energy to carry on. If that was the case then I’d be able to do impossible things like solve the mystery behind the Bermuda triangle and lift Thor’s hammer, but there’s a reason why I don’t do these things, because they’re impossible!!

You let things go down to shit? Be upset, cry, bawl your eyes out, don’t talk to people, eat that monstrous bucket of chicken, do what you have to, feel better. You feel better now?

Pat yourself on the back and slowly pick yourself up from that slough of despair , surround yourself with friends who back you up no matter what and try to sort things out and if not then have the heart to let go and  most importantly, even if you don’t fix things, FORGIVE YOURSELF.

REPEAT THE PROCESS AS AND WHEN NEEDED!!

#7.You feel it? Then show it!

Don’t ever hold back on what you’re feeling, let it all out.

SHOUT OUT AND CELEBRATE!!SQUEAL AND JUMP AROUND AND SMILE LIKE CRAZY AND CRY...

Embrace those happy moments!! Be excited, unreasonably so. Feel ungraciously happy, weak in your knees happy, fist pumping, bursting out of your seams happy. It’s okay to be happy.

CRY. Wring out those tear ducts, let those waves of sadness keep coming, heart breaking sobs, it’s okay to cry.

BE ANGRY.BE FURIOUS.SCREAM if you have to, throw things around, don’t hold back on what you have to say or do.(DO NOT DECAPITATE ANYONE)

Be ANYTHING you want to be, because the right ones who care will understand and they WILL stay.

Cut yourself some slack guys!!You’re worth every bit of love and all the cuddly puppies in the world. Forgive yourself. Hug yourself. Take time off. Stop chasing people and their dreams, start chasing your glittery dream, even if it’s to finally go get some milk from the grocery store or do some late spring cleaning or to land that long dreamt of position as chief editor and love love love and forgive forgive forgive, yourself and everything.

All this might not really unveil answers to the unsolved mysteries of the universe..where do all my pens keep disappearing or who ate the last cookie in the jar..but it helped me through a lot of shit, made me deal with life a lot better than before and made me fall in love with myself all over again, and maybe just maybe you might take up some of this or even smile and THAT my dears, even just a tiny smile will make ALL the difference.

[mildlymaddy]

So, remember that silly Niall/guitar fic I wrote?

Well, I kinda wrote a nouis sequel. Rated M, deals with silly boys getting high.

There's a reason Niall almost never smokes pot. He gets loose tongued in a way he never does on Guinness, spilling his secrets to whoever will pry.

And Louis is an expert pryer.

“Niall my boy, I’ve been meaning to ask… what's the deal with the guitars?”

They’re in Niall's house, sitting on his bed. Louis’s brought a joint with him the way others might bring a bottle of wine, and Niall would have felt rude if he’d turned it down. Not that he wanted to. He’s always liked smoking with Louis. Weed smoothes out Louis’s edges, makes him forget about keeping his walls up. The only downside is that it doesn’t make him any less nosey.

“What d’you mean?”

“Come on. Those pics you post of them?” Louis asks, wriggling his eyebrows. “And what about your creepy guitar hangers? It’s like you want your guitars to feel a human touch at all times. Like you don’t want them to feel neglected.”

Niall feels his stomach twisting and takes a hit to hide his fluster. People always think that the hands are deliberately kitsch, or that he’s trying to look edgy. Louis’s the first to get it right. “You're going to think I'm nuts,” he says, handing the joint back to Louis.

Louis blows a smoke ring and watches it waft up towards the ceiling for a few silent seconds, looking thoughtful. “You've seen me do some shit that most people would think was nuts.”

And that… he's got a point.

“Alright,” Niall says. Part of him is screaming at him to shut up, change the subject, but maybe the weed’s already gotten to him because even though the words don’t come easy, he doesn’t want to keep them in, either. He’s been wanting to tell someone about it and who better than Louis? “It's just that I… well… I think guitars are… like, pleasing? In a… in a sexual way?”

Louis blinks at him for what feels like hours. “Y’know,” he finally says, taking one long drag on the joint like someone would down their drink; “I expected you to say that? But hearing it outloud is still fucking weird.”

Niall idly thinks about getting up and leaving the room to get away from this conversation, but his limbs feel like they’re made of something mushy. Or maybe wet cotton. Is wet cotton mushy? Niall shakes his head. “See? Told you you'd think I'm a freak,” he says with a sigh, plucking the joint from Louis’s lax fingers and taking another hit. It’s getting harder to feel strongly about any of this, but some part of him knows that tomorrow the memory of this discussion is going to hit him like a truck.

“Nonono, I'm not judging. ...So what d’you do, exactly?” Louis asks, stretching out on the bed so his head is on Niall’s pillow and his left leg is dangling over the edge of the mattress. He’s grinning up at the ceiling, blue eyes shining with mischief. “Like, d’you rub your junk on them or sommat?”

“Of course not!” Niall squawks, handing the joint back to Louis when Louis lazily extends a hand, knuckles coming to brush against Niall’s forearm and raising goosebumps. “That’d damage them!”

Louis snorts, then dissolves into full-on laughter until he almost chokes on thin air, arms clenched around his stomach. He flips on his side to catch his breath, his forehead pressing against Niall’s naked knee. Niall thinks about moving his leg away, but doesn’t. “Oh my god Neil you’re killing me,” Louis wheezes, letting the joint drop onto Niall’s sheets.

Niall snatches it up before it can burn the cloth, frowning. “I don’t see what’s so funny about this,” he says, even though he does, a little. But he can feel the stare of his guitars on his back and knows he can’t be seen to be playing along. He’s not brave enough to look down at Ruby, still laid out at the bottom of the bed from when he showed her to Louis earlier.

“Really?” Louis asks, but it doesn’t feel like a question. He shifts again, wrapping a hand over Niall’s calf, thumb stroking the crease of Niall’s knee. His fingers are warm.

Niall meticulously snuffs the rest of the joint out in the ashtray, watching the glowing red turn to dull black. He’s afraid if he takes another hit of it, he’ll start thinking showing Louis exactly how he goes about things is a good idea.

“Heyyyy, what d’you do that for?” Louis protests, giving Niall’s calf a smack before resting his hand on it again.

“You're being a dick.”

That seems to mollify Louis somewhat, and he struggles into an upright position, leaning heavily against Niall's side. “Have I hurt your feelings, Nialler?” There's no bite in his voice. His hand has moved up to Niall's thigh, on top of his denim shorts. Niall keeps his own hands clenched around the ashtray.

He shudders when Louis leans his head on his shoulder, the tip of his nose brushing against Niall's neck. “C’mon, I just want to understand. I promise not to laugh again.”

Nothing good can come out of explaining, but Louis is warm and he sounds sleepy and Niall finds himself spilling his guts out with a sense of quiet inevitability. He tells Louis about the connection he feels and the smoothness of the wood and how a guitar is just like a woman, really, no, just think about it for a second, Lou. He tells him how it's all about respect and devotion and wanting to get closer to the music. Louis snorts once or twice but apart from that he just goes “hm-hm” from time to time. His fingers start moving on Niall's thigh, fingertips going back and forth along the inner seam of Niall's shorts, and Niall's pretty sure Louis doesn't even realize he's doing it so he doesn't say anything.

“But Ruby’s… Ruby’s special, really. Felt like falling in love, a bit.” Niall falls silent, and Louis doesn’t say anything for so long that if it weren’t for the way his fingers are still going up and down his inner thigh, Niall would assume he’d fallen asleep.

Finally, Louis’s hand stills, palm cupping Niall’s knee. “I see,” Louis says.

Niall waits a bit, but Louis doesn’t seem to want to add anything to that statement. “Told you you’d think I was nuts,” he says with a chuckle he’s not feeling at all.

“I don’t. ...It's gotten me a lil’ horny, to be quite honest.”

“Really?” Niall says, tittering. Louis's fingers trail back up the seam of his shorts, all the way up to- “Louis!” Niall gasps, hand letting go of the ashtray to grab Louis’s wrist.

“It’s made you a little horny, too,” Louis says, tilting his face so his lips rub wetly against Niall's throat with each word. Niall can hear the smile in his voice. He still has a firm grip on Louis’s wrist, but he hasn't actually moved Louis’s hand away, and Louis’s fingers tease at the fly of Niall's shorts, pressing down on his crotch. “So Nialler… is it just guitars that do it for you these days, or…?”

Niall stares straight ahead. He can dimly see their reflections in the flat screen of his tv. Louis looks like he's trying to drape himself around Niall's body, but it doesn’t mean anything.

Louis’s just teasing him, because that's what Louis does, and he’s flirty because that’s who Louis is when he’s high.

At least Louis doesn't know that Niall used to have a crush on him.

“I know you used to have a crush on me,” Louis says, breath hot on Niall's skin.

“I didn't,” Niall says, but it comes out sounding exactly like an ‘I did.’

“D’you still have one?” Louis asks, fingers finally leaving the crotch of Niall’s shorts to sneak their way under Niall’s shirt, stroking Niall’s belly.

Does he? Niall’s known Louis long enough to know most things about him, good and bad. He knows the way Louis will phase entire relationships out of his life rather than deal with whatever problems they’re having, then one day be back to being chummy like nothing ever happened. He knows Louis can get mean when he drinks too much. He’s seen Louis hurt people deeply by lashing out with words as sharp as knives, has experienced it first hand more than once. He knows too much to have a crush.

“No,” he says, letting go of Louis’s wrist. Louis leans back enough to look into Niall’s eyes; he looks surprised, possibly a little bit disappointed. Niall takes a deep breath. “It’s not a crush anymore.”

There’s a beat that feels like a crossroads, then Louis cuddles up against Niall’s side again, pressing the top of his face against Niall’s neck; Niall can feel Louis’s eyelashes fluttering like the wings of a butterfly. “Good,” Louis finally says, the tip of his pinkie finger dipping into Niall’s belly button then staying there, as if he’s plugging up a hole. “Coz I don’t have a crush either.”

“Good,” Niall parrots, softly.

The pressure of Louis’s hand on his belly increases, and it takes a few seconds for Niall to get the hint and lie down. They’re too far up the bed and the top of Niall’s head is uncomfortably pushed against his headboard, but Louis wraps himself around Niall’s side like a clam, slipping one leg over Niall’s, and Niall doesn’t want to move.

“D’you ever lie down with them?” Louis asks, his head resting on Niall’s chest, his pinkie finger still resting over Niall’s belly button, his palm warm.

“Sometimes.” He’s fallen asleep next to one more than once, hand still resting on top of the chords. Sometimes it just happens because he’s trying to figure out a song and doesn’t stop until his body literally gives up on him, sending him to sleep from one second to the next.

Louis hums. Niall can feel the hard line of his cock pressed against his side, wonders exactly what’s gotten Louis so ramped up, if it’s just the weed, or if Niall’s truly managed to make him see what he sees in his guitars.

Niall thinks maybe it’s got nothing to do with the weed or the guitar and everything to do with Niall, but he keeps this thought to himself.

“Wanna make out?” Louis asks next, as if it’s the simplest thing in the world to ask, and Niall knows Louis can hear his heartbeat pick up since Louis’s ear is pressed against his chest, so he might as well tell the truth.

“Yeah.”

Louis leans up, the corner of his lips curled up in that little mischievous smile that is so unmistakably Louis, and for a second Niall wonders if he’s going to kiss him, but Louis presses his lips to Niall’s cheek instead, then trails them down to Niall’s ear, lips closing around Niall’s earlobe, the tip of his tongue coming to tease at the nub of flesh before Louis moves back to Niall’s cheek.

“I’mma play you like a guitar,” Louis mumbles, plucking his fingers over Niall’s torso as if there were strings there. It’s completely ridiculous and they’re both giggling as Louis moves his fingers up and down Niall’s belly and chest, until Louis gets tired of the game and without a word of warning slips his hand into Niall’s shorts and under the elastic band of his pants, deft fingers closing around Niall’s half-hard cock. “‘Make you come like a man,” Louis adds, shifting to close his lips around the pulse point in Niall’s neck, sucking hard enough to make Niall yelp, his cock hardening all the way in Louis’s grasp.

By the time Louis’s done playing him and Niall’s done showing him a trick or two of his own, night has fallen outside and Ruby’s fallen from her spot on the bed.

Oh well. Niall will make it up to her later.

Maybe he’ll even let Louis watch.